Change isn’t always a good thing — especially not for Staton House. Not everyone is thrilled with the band’s revived Jeanine-ified set list, especially Rick. In a drunken stupor, he tells Kelly Ann they never should’ve started playing the song. After all, Jeanine is a devil-woman who broke Christopher’s heart. It looks like it’s Rick, though, who’s on shaky ground — not Christopher.
Despite Kelly Ann’s run-in with wasted Rick, all is well (maybe even — dare I say it? — blissful) with the crew. For the first time since we’ve met them, they have the day off! Party. Time. So, what’s in store for the sweaty, hardworking motley crew? Shelli and Bill have a day trip planned to Louisville’s Cave Hill Cemetery. Donna and Wes are going to dive headfirst into a plate of duck-fat fries (excellent choice). Shelli’s dreams of scones and an omelet with bacon and onions are so close, she can almost taste them. She’s also really excited about a steaming hot shower in a hotel room. Oh yeah, did I mention everyone on the crew stinks? It’s been all baby wipes, all the time, for far too long. And it seems like Milo has decided to forgo the wipes altogether…
Cut to Reg, standing outside the Haverford Hotel — a huge upgrade from the Motel 6’s they’re used to, not to mention the pizza-stained tour bus. He screams on the phone that he needs his missing Fendi suitcases overnighted now (Reg is so fancy and British), because he’s absolutely not going to slum it in a bandana headband and “vintage” shirt. Reg hops on the bus to tell the crew about their upgraded digs and starts to question Gooch about his bus route. After all, shouldn’t they cut through Cincinnati in order to get to St. Louis? Turns out, just like Voldemort in Hogwarts, Cincinnati is a word that should never be spoken among the Staton House crew, for reasons that are unclear. Instead of “He who shall not be named,” they call the home of the Reds “the four-syllable city in Ohio.” What’s the aftermath of speaking those four little syllables? The tour bus is cursed, of course! (So many Harry Potter references, amiright?)
The crew doesn’t quite remember how to reverse the curse, so they consult their go-to guy, Phil. (Those “What Would Phil Do?” shirts were the real deal.) He’s still the man of the hour, spearheading Taylor Swift’s tour in space (because duh), but he takes the call (because Staton House for life) and shares the only way they can move out of this perpetual storm cloud: Drive 100 miles away, find 11 balloons and 11 eggs on foot, break the eggs, release the balloons, and play a song by The Who. Simple! It’s just like finding Pokemon.
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Turns out, the curse is real — Rick has gone missing. He never made it to his phone interview and didn’t even check into his hotel (they know this because the mini-bar was perfectly in tact). Shelli and Bill end up turning their day off into Find Rick Day, and even though they don’t admit it, they’re both really concerned. First stop? A strip club named Tattle Tale, where, it turns out, Bill knows just about everyone. He’s nowhere to be seen, so with a Hail Mary, Bill calls Milo — who suggests he find Rick’s favorite stripper, Red Velvet. Sure, she has a reputation for being wild and crazy, but she’s gotta know something about Rick’s whereabouts.
NEXT: Red Velvet offers them a swingin’ good time