Things aren’t looking so hot for the crew without Phil. While the kids hang out on the tour bus eating cold pizza and bemoaning Phil’s expulsion, we learn someone has been stealing the band’s cases (though what’s in those cases, I’m not entirely sure) — even Kelly Ann’s workbox was hidden behind a Zamboni. (Finally, a reason to use the word ‘zamboni’ in a recap!) The crew is uneasy and thinks Staton-House’s opener, The Head and the Heart, are to blame. After all, they’ve gotta be jealous they’re not the headliners, amiright? The crew thinks all this disarray is because Bill pretty much sucks as a leader, and they all agree none of this would be happening if Phil was still around. They miss him so much, they wear custom “WWPD” shirts.
Shelli thinks The Head and the Heart are playing dirty, too. Bill reminds her Reg just fired three people, and any one of them could be seeking revenge. But nobody’s really listening to Bill these days — he’s feeling anxious and even googles signs of a heart attack. He has good reason to be stressed: In order to cut costs, Reg plans to fire one more person and is arranging sit-downs with the crew to learn about what exactly it is that they do. Gulp.
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Over plates of buttery toast at a diner in Memphis, we learn Reg’s nickname — it’s “Double D,” which stands for “Douchebag Dawson,” as in Titanic’s Jack Dawson. (This is a dark moment for Kelly Ann, who doesn’t have a nickname despite her Staton-House blood, sweat, and tears.) Reg and Kelly Ann have a meet-cute over grits chitchat, which is exactly as bland as it sounds. He then proceeds to suggest that she ditched her plans to attend film school at NYU because of the spark between them. Kelly Ann is all, boy, bye.
Meanwhile, Bill tries his best to channel Phil, leading the morning circle in an awkward and uninspired speech about Elvis that only Wes seems to appreciate. As Bill fumbles his way through some semblance of a motivational speech, Shelli, a modern-day Nancy Drew (sorry, Emma Roberts) demands they find a new opener because — eureka! — she has video proof that The Head and the Heart were, in fact, behind all of the missing cases. Bill continues his bumpy motivational speaking tour and talks to The Head and the Heart about the problems they’re causing, but they’re officially over it and quit. Bill has less than six hours to find a replacement opener. And to think all this comes after his heart-attack Google search.
NEXT: Kelly Ann takes a stand