We gave it a B
After Betty tries calling the numbers on the phone to identify the dead guy — again, Betty, WHAT ARE YOU DOING — she gives up and calls Jug. She fills him in on everything, and it’s a good thing she did, because she now needs his help ditching the guy’s car. It’s been parked outside their house for days, which means one thing: Jug turns to Betty and asks, “How fast can you hot-wire a car?” Again, he just asked BETTY about hot-wiring a car. And that’s not even the most heinous thing! The most heinous thing is that you know she definitely can!
Together, they get rid of the car and the guy’s phone. And then, there’s only one thing left to do: Ask FP for help, because why not involve more people in this, amirite?? While Betty, Alice, and Jug wait at Pop’s, FP takes the body into the woods, digs a grave, and then dumps a whole lot of sodium hydroxide on it. In a week, there won’t even be teeth left. Now enjoy your milkshakes guys!
As for Chic, he’s back home cutting Hal out of family pictures. (Oh, I should mention that Cheryl told Betty about her father’s affair. Needless to say, no one likes Hal. Not even Hal.)
While all of this is going on with Betty, Archie’s dealing with Agent Adams, who does not seem to care that he’s talking to a minor when he goes into A LOT of detail about Papa Poutine’s murder. But Archie doesn’t crack. He’s firmly on Team Hiram at this point, something that can’t be said of the Serpents.
After the whole “statue head in a box” thing, Veronica organizes a meeting between Jug, FP, herself, and her father. Hiram offers to pay the back rent on the entire trailer park in exchange for one thing: Hiram wants to be left out of Jughead’s exposé. Yes, this legendary (and very scary) businessman’s biggest fear right now is a teenager’s story. And then the teenager has the balls to turn him down!
To make matters worse, Veronica hears about the murder in town and can’t help but wonder if her father’s behind it, a totally normal thing for any teen to have to worry about. But Archie is there to make it right: He promises Veronica that her father’s a good guy before heading to Hiram and letting him know that he might want to reassure his daughter. Archie does this even AFTER the FBI pays him a salary for being an informant, by the way. The kid just can’t help himself: He loves a sneaky Lodge. (And it helps if they’ve got some wrestling moves.)
After chatting with Archie, Hiram assures his daughter that he had nothing to do with Papa Poutine’s death. As for Archie, he tells Agent Adams to look into Lenny as the murderer. But when that lead doesn’t pan out, Agent Adams threatens to come down on Fred for hiring undocumented immigrants over the years. If Archie wants to help his dad, he’ll need to plant a bug in Hiram’s office.
While Archie thinks that over, Veronica walks in on her parents fighting with Mayor McCoy. It seems the Lodges want to announce their plans for Southside High, but McCoy wants them to wait until after re-election, and she’s threatening to expose them. But they have something to expose too: her affair with Sheriff Keller. (Can you blame her?!)
But before her parents can act, Veronica warns the mayor, which causes her to voluntarily resign. As for Veronica, she lies to her father about getting involved. Because you’re not a Lodge if you don’t tell a lie or two.
And then there’s Archie, the lovable idiot who’s somehow smart enough to tell Hiram about the bug, a decision that leads to Archie ending the episode by meeting with “the boss.” It’s Hermione. And she’s here to tell Archie that Agent Adams was fake. He’s a friend that they paid to test Archie’s loyalty. And guess what? He passed.
Meanwhile, has André always been this hot?!
Overall, I enjoyed the tone of this episode more than last week’s, but I need all of the stories to really start coming together at this point in the season. Also, I’d like to request more André. Thanks.