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Ringer recap: Dumpster Diving

Bridget touches some garbage and Juliet may be hot for her new public school teacher.

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Ringer Kids Gellar Chris
The CW


Current Status:
In Season

Truth bomb: I think last night’s episode of Ringer was their best yet. And it ended with the GIANT PHOTO of Siobhan! Perfection! But aside from the humungous portrait cameo, it all just felt more exciting than previous episodes. True, the high school moments seemed like a completely different show but the Gemma disappearance storyline was actually surprising. Also, this episode, like last week, lent itself quite well to a drinking game! Every time you heard Gemma’s voicemail, you could take a sip (We heard it at least 5 times). What more could you want? So let’s get to it…

So Andrew came home from visiting Henry and being told that Gemma wasn’t there. Bridget tucked Juliet into bed, which seemed a little odd since Juliet is like 16 years old. Anyhoo, Andrew told Bridget that he thought something weird was going on and the dude was perceptive.

We then cut to Henry cleaning like a madman, complete with bleach and rubber gloves. The whole sequence could have been an advertisement for Clorox because that stuff does really get anything out, including gruesome bloodstains. I’ll tell you what: if Henry’s literary career doesn’t work out, he should look into becoming a cleaning lady. I’m sure there are tons of rich city gals who would love a cute guy Swiffering their floors…and no that is not a euphemism.

So it was Juliet’s first day of public school and she decided to not wear pants. Clearly, her parents were not pleased about this. I was more concerned about the ginormous accessories she was wearing like that crazy chain necklace. It’s like some enlarging laser zapped all the jewelry in this apartment. Very confusing. Before she left for school, Juliet gave Bridget her stash of drugs, equally large, to dispose of.

So Juliet seemed to be enrolled in the same public school that Michelle Pfeiffer taught at in Dangerous Minds. It was a tad over the top and not exactly a commercial for the public school system. But on the plus side she did have an adorable new teacher, played by Veronica Mars’ Jason Dohring. Juliet did not make the best first impression on some bad girl named Tessa with atrocious lip-gloss and matching eye shadow. Eventually the two gals ended up in a catfight that was broken up by some teachers including Veronica Mars cutie.

Juliet was sent to the principal’s office and the principal was played by Tara’s mom from True Blood! I half expected her to scold Juliet and then segue into a song about how Jesus can get rid of demons! Sadly, she just sorta looked serious. It’s a big week for that actress though: she’s on American Horror Story tomorrow night! Anyways, no one believed that Juliet didn’t start the fight, even her own father. But then Cute Teacher told the principal that Tessa was the guilty one. This whole story sorta had the feeling of the beginnings of a teacher/student affair. It frankly felt way more One Tree Hill than Ringer. Felt like a different show.

Back in Twinsville, Bridget went to Gemma’s house and ran into Henry who was acting like a total cray cray. He basically accused her of killing Gemma which I don’t even think would be physically possible unless Bridget was actually Buffy the Vampire Slayer. The whole thing also just made him seem all the more guilty. Also, WHERE ARE THEIR CHILDREN?!? All this stuff has been happening and there’s been no sign of them.

Bridget returned to the apartment and immediately went straight for Juliet’s stash. If only she had her NA sponsor. Oh wait—she does but he’s being doped up and tortured by a gangster dude. Speaking of Malcolm, there was a whole subplot where Agent Machado returned to Wyoming after Malcolm was reported missing. He and his team raided that strip club that the bad dude owns but never found Malcolm. I kinda feel like that plotline is a little too seedy for this show. It just seems icky. Strippers and drugs should not be involved in a show about giant portraits…I mean…a show about twins.

NEXT: We learn that…the Eiffel Tower is in Paris!