An early holiday gift for the writing staff of Ringer might be a Thesaurus. If you were playing a drinking game tonight and drank every time you heard the word “whore,” you’d be as tanked as Juliet by the first five minutes (a close second would be imbibing every time you heard “bitch”). While I was thrilled to not hear “Shiv” as much, the use of “whore” got a lil out of control. Now I loved it last week when Gemma said the immortal line, “That’s for sleeping with my husband you whore!” But it just became down right brutes after a while.
Still, the opening moments of Bridget arriving home and seeing a giant “WHORE” painted on Siobhan’s wall-sized photo cracked me up. Funnier still was the fact that THEY KEPT THAT PHOTO UP! Wouldn’t you immediately take it down? It literally stayed up the entire episode. At least grab a tarp from Tarpland aka the loft and cover that stuff up. I can’t take 17 more episodes without a ginormous wall sized photos of Siobhan. It’s my reasons for recapping.
So we started off the episode with Gemma MIA and Bridget, the Brit, and the Cute Boring Guy returning to the city. We also flashed back to the previous night and saw Bridget pleading/yelling in her Hampton’s house not to tell anyone. Um, wasn’t Agent Machado like just in that house?
So Andrew and Bridget arrive home and realize that Juliet has thrown a huge party. There’s a keg (along with some ping pong balls — nice touch) in the kitchen. But I don’t really buy Juliet throwing a kegger. She seems like the kinda girl who would get a college kid to buy her some Skinnygirl Margarita bottles and call it a day. Right?
Meanwhile, Gemma decided to do some research and watch some old videos of Siobhan and her. Wow, turns out Gemma’s bad hair is not a recent mistake — she’s had it for years! Someone needs to give the gurl some advice. Are there no gays in this version of New York? Gemma noticed that Siobhan had a weird burn on her hand from a “cooking class.” Uh okay. She finally decided to meet with Bridget and she realized that Bridget was telling the truth when she didn’t have the mysterious burn. Basically, then Gemma became livid at Bridget and left in a big huff. This episode should have been subtitled “Gemma Frowns.”
So Juliet returned to the apartment and realized that fake Siobhan and her father had rummaged through her things. So naturally she decided to ruin Siobhan’s closet. She ripped up Siobhan’s wedding dress, which wasn’t really in a special place — just some box. And then she poured perfume on some shoes and took some bags off the shelf. Frankly, Juliet might need a tutorial on destruction. She did however find a pamphlet for Bridget’s NA meetings.
With all this stress, Bridget decided to go to a meeting and met a very cute new recovering addict named Charlie, whom I think kinda looked like a lion. Anyone else think that? I think it was his beard and someone feline-esque teeth. Anyhoo, he and Bridget also had a little sexual tension which I feel like will come back into play. Lord knows she likes to fall for her meeting attendees. Speaking of, there were various shots of Malcolm still being tortured and doped up. And that’s about it. That poor actor might as well be a mime for how much he talks.
NEXT: Gemma says a completely ridiculous sentence…and not in a good way