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Ringer recap: Cellular Disruption

Bridget answers the hit man’s phone and Siobhan finds some lovin’ in Paris

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Michael Desmond/The CW


Current Status:
In Season

Ringer spends so much time in various airy apartment spaces that I feel like it should be called Lofter. Just this week we discovered Siobhan and Andrew owned another large piece of property. It’s like we’re watching House Hunters with twins and Titanic-themed parties. Frankly I’m surprised Paige Davis isn’t somehow involved in this series (Trading Spaces reference! Pulled that out of my back pocket!). But I will say that I enjoyed tonight’s episode much more than last week’s crazy, high-pony mess.

So I don’t want to beat a dead horse on this whole real estate theme but damn do I love the light fixtures in Andrew and Siobhan’s house. Anyone else notice those in the hallway in the opening moments? They were like wonderful hanging orbs of loveliness. But I digress…so this episode opened up with Bridget, still faking her way as Siobhan, and hubby Andrew catching up. Apparently, they decided to send Andrew’s daughter, Juliet, to Miami to have her deal with her drug addiction. Really folks?!?!? Were all the hotels in Ibiza booked?!?! Miami to deal with drug addiction?!?!? I realize her mother lives there but that seems like the most ridiculous decision ever. But then again this is a show where estranged twin sisters decided to take a speedboat ride mere minutes after a six-year reconciliation.

Bridget once again called her AA sponsor and possible lovah Malcolm for advice. Weirdly, Malcolm was once again in that scary parking garage. Dude may wanna start matriculating somewhere else seeing as his girlfriend is being hunted by a major baddie. Also, the light is just never good in parking garages and he’s on a TV show for God’s sake. But no one ever listens to me and the criminal dude with bad long hair who’s after Bridget kidnapped Malcolm. They took him to a strip club and locked him the room where they apparently have a cage and extra toilet paper (I’m very observant).

Before Malcolm got kidnapped, Bridget realized that the photo she found of Siobhan in the hitman’s pocket was a cropped version of one Andrew had on a shelf in the house. It appeared to be the couple on some sort of vacation. So could Andrew be behind all of this? Probably not given that this is episode three and we have like 19 more hours of this stuff.

We flashed to Paris to visit the real Siobhan and it wasn’t even the last five minutes of the episode. Real Siobhan was at a French bar drinking wine and reading a book (My guess? The Hunger Games—I feel Shiv is a big YA fan.). She sadly wasn’t wearing a big floppy hat but she was wearing a crazily bedazzled cardigan and giant chunky necklace. Clearly, Shiv does not believe in less is more. Anyways, she met this hot dude named Tyler at the bar and even gave him her hotel info. I love that even when Siobhan is on the run and hiding she still finds time to get some nookie. That’s right gurl. You’re in the City of Love after all.

Andrew had told Siobhan he needed her to do something for him and so she followed directions and showed up to a scary alleyway. Are there ever non-sketchy alleys? I feel like no. But it was all a big surprise because actually it was the office of a major designer, played by the guy from Noah’s Arc who played, uh, Noah. Gemma was there too. I still am not into this character or her beet red hair. I don’t think Siobhan would be friends with this lady. So Andrew had treated Siobhan to a free dress custom made by, uh, Noah for her to wear to the ballet.

After they left all the couture, Bridget, Gemma and, uh, Noah, all decided to go to lunch especially after Noah claimed he could get them into Balthazar. But then the hitman’s phone started ringing and Bridget walked away from lunch at Balthazar. Clearly, she has no idea how difficult it is to get a rez there. Good luck next time. Bridge answered the phone and the person on the other line was clearly watching her after mentioning she had dropped her scarf. He asked that Bridget leave the phone on a nearby bench but she decided not to and ran off with the phone.

NEXT: Siobhan has a booty call!