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Ringer recap: The (Secret) L Word

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Ringer
Patrick Wymore/The CW

Ringer

type:
Movie
Current Status:
In Season

Sweet Siobhan Martin! That episode contained some of my favorite Ringer moments of this entire season. I love a show that go full-throttle into Crazytown and clearly it took that exit off the freeway last week when Catherine was revealed as the villain behind the whole Siobhan hit. Well, this episode went even further if that’s possible. It had Russian hookers overdosing! Secret lesbians! And a cameo from a former Dawson’s Creek cast member!! It’s basically like a buffet in Tim’s dream world!! Everything I could ever want!! Although next week’s trailer appeared to have someone taking a knife to the GINORMOUS PHOTO of Siobhan!!! Say it ain’t so!

LL COOL J WATCH OUT: LADIES ACTUALLY LOVE CRAZY CATHERINE OR LL CRAZY C

So we knew Catherine was full of surprises when it was revealed at the end of last week’s episode that she was the one behind the whole assassination attempt of Siobhan. But holy animal print is this lady a wackadoo. The episode began with the same incident as last week’s cliffhanger: a drugged Bridget finding the first hitman’s phone inside Catherine’s purse and Catherine standing over Bridget. The cray cray ex Mrs. Martin then drags Bridge into the bathtub and starts the faucet. She writes up a fake suicide note and frankly I was impressed that Catherine could spell Siobhan. It’s taken me about 6 months of Ringer to figure that out.

Anywhoo, we flash back to like 8 months ago when the two gals got into a fight in the NYC Martin apartment when real Siobhan told her that they were selling Catherine’s home in Miami. Weirdly, they were both wearing asymmetrical dresses of different colors. It was like a meeting of the two witches from Oz. Back in present day, Catherine ditches her leopard print cape and puts on something more, uh, subtle and prepares to leave the apartment. But outside she realizes she’s forgotten the hitman’s phone, which Bridget dropped under a chair. She runs back inside and can’t find it. We again flashback to some old dude who I think was the evil dry cleaner (People I realize how ludicrous this sounds — believe me). The old fogie says that the hitman’s phone is gone and Catherine, once again in an asymmetrical dress oddly, basically goes all Mortal Kombat and is like FINISH HER!!!! Meanwhile, back at the apartment, Andrew arrives home and Catherine does her damnedest to keep him out of the bathroom. Unfortunately, he sees that water is leaking out of the bathroom door and finds Bridget submerged.

Catherine obviously won’t let them get away so she concocts some plan in which I think she and Siobhan would run off to Mexico or something. Unclear. But one of my fave moments was Catherine yelling and judging the pair at gunpoint for all the cold weather-friendly clothes they were packing, like sweaters. “Beachwear,” she screams with gun in her hand. Frankly, I side with Bridget: I always over pack for any climate. You never know what you’re gonna wanna wear. Back off Catherine! Then there’s a call from the door man who says the FBI is downstairs. Machado asked that some agents go and check on the Martin family. They arrive upstairs and Andrew basically lies to them about Catherine and Siobhan while Catherine holds Bridget captive in a nearby room.

NEXT: Secret Lesbians!

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