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Ringer recap: Lofty Ambitions

Bridget (Sarah Michelle Gellar) attempts to hide a body while Agent Machado (Nestor Carbonell) makes a really gross poop joke

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The Ringer
Michael Desmond/The CW


Current Status:
In Season

Is it me or does Ringer feel like its set in the 1980s? I mean let’s begin with the whole wall-sized photo of Siobhan which, to be fair, I love. Can you imagine if you walked into my apartment and it was just a giant photo of me? Let’s all just pause and think about that for like five secs…okay we’re done. So, also the whole like “We’re living uptown but are buying a loft downtown” feels realz 1980s. Like it feels like a rejected subplot from Wall Street or something. And then, SMG’s crazy high pony during the climactic party sequence was very American Psycho meets C+C Music Factory. So there are touches of ’80s and a little ’90s. I would like someone to announce either this show is set in the ‘80s/’90s and/or in Crazytown because that’s where tonight’s episode seemed to fall.

The second episode of Ringer picked up right after last week’s season premiere. Bridget, impersonating her fancypants sister Siobhan, killed a hitman in self-defense and was left with his body in her new aforementioned loft. Naturally, she decided to skip calling the police and call her hot AA sponsor Malcolm. This is kinda how her initial voicemail went: “Hey Malcolm. Miss you! Also I shot someone! Kthanksbye!” Not even joking. Thankfully, there were plenty of tarps around this construction site — in fact, this episode should have been called “Tarps.” They got a lotta action. Someone should check and see if Home Depot or Ty Pennington sponsored this.

Bridget was able to hide the body luckily before her BFF Gemma barged in and started stomping around. Going with the retro theme, I feel like Gemma is giving me a little Mayim Bialik. Anyhoo, there was a lot of Gemma almost stepping on the dead body and Bridget opening her eyes REALLY, “I’m worried!” wide. Apparently, her crazy eyes were distracting because Gemma did not notice any dead body.

Bridget went back to the loft the next day to take care of the body and once again fooled around with some power tools (hello Home Depot!). Also, not sure white is the best color to wear when disposing of a body. Bridget ended up calling Malcolm again and revealing what had happened. He convinced her to come and meet him. Unfortunately, Agent Machado showed up just as Bridget wanted to head out. She managed to evade him but not before he made a joke about coffee and wanting to use her bathroom. Did he ask to drop a deuce in Siobhan’s fancy loft?

We discovered that Andrew’s nickname for Siobhan is “Shiv” which frankly sounds like someone’s pet name for another inmate on Oz. I feel like “Ban” would be a better option. Meanwhile, we got our first view of Andrew’s job: he apparently works at what I’m going to call British People Inc. It’s a company that seemingly employs only British people and involves, from what I can tell, money. There’s also Andrew’s coworker whose name I never got but whom I’m going to call Cold Yet Slutty British Gal. The pair was very concerned about an important cocktail party that Siobhan was supposedly helping to plan. Clearly, British People Inc. is a serious company!

Meanwhile, Bridget decided she just wanted to get the hell outta NYC and meet up with her dreamy AA sponsor, Malcolm. So she went to the bank and emptied out Siobhan’s “emergency” account (“Does a shoe sale at Bergdorf count as an emergency?”). My immediate skepticism also reveals how gay I am but I thought How would this dumpy broad know about Bergdorf’s? She knows crystal meth not Christian Louboutin.

NEXT: Bridget stops a chubby fella from smooshing the dead body!

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