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Ringer recap: Mama Drama

Juliet’s plan hits a major snag and Bridget comes face to face with someone from her past

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RINGER
The CW

Ringer

type:
Movie
Current Status:
In Season

Tonight’s episode of Ringer was literally called “Whores Don’t Make That Much.” Sadly, that was going to be the title of my autobiography but I guess it’s already been taken. Great minds think alike, Ringer writers! Still, I love that was not only the title but also a line on this series.

So Malcolm finally popped up. I guess dude has been pulling some late nights at Andrew’s firm like fixing email bugs or something. He goes back with Bridget to check out Siobhan’s poorly decorated office. But all the ugly stuff is gone! There’s no longer that atrocious statue of a person balancing on the back of a horse! Clearly, there’s been some sort of bad taste robbery or Siobhan cleared the place out. Then, Malcolm decides he should put a tracker app on Bridget’s phone so he can know where she is at all times. This seems like an important piece of information that will come up at a later time!

Cut to the Martin apartment. GINORMOUS PHOTO ALERT!!! Catherine shows up and drops a major bomb on Andrew…and no it does not involve pooh. Catherine tells Andrew that she thinks Juliet should move with her to Florida. Yeah because Florida is a perfect place for someone who needs to stay off drugs. Nothing sketchy happening in Miami. Nooooo. Not at all. Catherine says that she hasn’t “had a sip in days.” Ha! Um wasn’t it not that long ago that she was tanked in their living room and setting photos of Juliet on fire?!? GINORMOUS PHOTO AGAIN!!!!!

Cut to Juliet’s public school and cue hip hop music. Wow, this show is so delicately produced. Tessa rolls up to school in a giant new SUV and of course Juliet freaks out. Random thought: Tessa is like a bootleg version of Alicia Silverstone but with really bad lip gloss. She hilariously admits to Juliet that she’s keeping all her money ($3 million) under her bed!!! Oh Tessa. I would expect nothing less from someone with such bad taste in make up.  Um then she walks away and literally says, “Back up, bitches.” The Writer’s Guild is just not honoring this show enough.

Henry shows up at Andrew’s office just as he and Malcolm are arriving. I think this is the first time all 3 male actors on this show have been in the same scene. Malcolm leaves but still eavesdrops on their conversation. Henry tells Andrew he wants to cash all his money out of the company.

Bridget gets a call to confirm a standing floral arrangement from 2007 sent to Nancy Painter on…1947 Main St!!! That’s the address she found on that piece of paper in Siobhan’s poorly decorated office. So naturally Bridget heads to check that address. The woman at the address of course thinks Bridget is Siobhan and apparently the special day is the lady’s birthday. Bridget notices photos of Sean, the little kid we’ve only seen photos and brief flashbacks of, on the woman’s mantle. And she realizes she’s in the home of Sean’s grandmother. My question? Who the hell is Sean? Gimme some answers Ringer.

Well thank god we then have a flashback to when Siobhan and Bridget used to live in  a poorly decorated Lake Tahoe apartment. Wood paneling? Yikes. So turns out that Sean is Siobhan’s son with some dude named Dylan who likes Western shirts. Also, even in Lake Tahoe, Siobhan was a giant bitch. I’m not sure you can be so high and mighty when you have wood paneling. Just my thoughts.

Juliet met with Mr. Carpenter, who was dressed up like Hollow Man, to discuss Tessa’s carelessness with the money. He tells her that he’ll “take care of it” which sounds pretty sketchy. Also, why are these two meeting in such a public place?!? Why is no one smart on this show?!? The next day, Juliet goes to school and hears that Tessa has been brutally beaten.

NEXT: Tessa’s foster mother thinks she’s either a cheap hooker or a drug dealer