So any episode of television that is titled “What are you doing here, Ho-bag?” pretty much has me on board immediately. If I had a nickel for everytime I’ve said that, I’d be having a little vending machine party right now. Clearly, Ringer is not Downton Abbey and I think we all are cool with that. I have no idea if that show has GINORMOUS PHOTOS of its castmembers so I have much less interest. Also, I’m guessing Mags Smith never has uttered “ho-bag.” That’s what makes Ringer so special: It has no fear of being completely cray cray and over the top! That’s admirable in a primetime soap.
To begin with, I’m obsessed with Juliet’s mother, Catherine, played by Andrea Roth. She’s like the Brandi Glanville of Ringer and I mean that as a compliment. She arrives at the beginning of this episode just a whirling dervish of fur, animal prints, and cleavage. And her arrival was just awesome. Bridget arrives home and sees wine bottles and mess everywhere and of course assumes it’s trashbag Juliet. But then Juliet shows up and they continue to search the apartment before finally landing on the bathroom. There in the clawfoot tub is Catherine, basically bathing in wine. She chose a red but I tend to think a luxurious bath demands a prosecco or champagne. Her line to Bridget: “What’s your problem, Siobhan? This was my tub first anyways!” Zing! Love ya Catherine.
So Andrew has Catherine stay with them because it’s good for Juliet. I don’t really buy that but okay! The next day Bridget decides to make pancakes for all of them and even wears an apron. Does Chanel make aprons? Catherine ruins that though but running with Juliet through the apartment and taking her to breakfast and shopping. Again — love her!
Speaking of shopping, Siobhan takes the ring Andrew gave Bridget to the pawn shop and sells it for $15,000 which sounds like a total scam. Do pawn shops really have $15k just lying around? I thought that was a place you go to like hock your old VHS cassettes, not six-figure jewelry. Siobhan once again gets back in touch with Tyler in Paris who pleads with her to come back and he’ll even book her return trip for her. But Siobhan says she can handle it with her own guy, Solomon. Solomon & Siobhan sounds like a fun buddy comedy…much like my other fave title, Chico & Rita, which is an animated film nominated for an Oscar this year. I like to think it’s about two lovestruck pineapples. Anyhoo.
Then stuff started getting really confusing. Bridget realized that Siobhan hadn’t been staying at the Hotel Pivoine in Boston but actually the one in Paris. She ended up calling Andrew’s office to figure out when the couple last traveled there and Andrew’s secretary connected her to Tyler, who’s head of their European offices. Tyler then thought Bridget was Siobhan and mentioned Solomon on the phone. But then Tyler called Siobhan’s cell number and Siobhan realized that Bridget was onto her. Whew. Did everyone keep up with that? I may have missed a step since I haven’t been that confused since Inception.
NEXT: Agent Machado gets realz confused