Happy Valentine’s Day Ringer fans. At first I thought I could gift you all with GINORMOUS PHOTOS of yourselves a la Siobhan. But then I realized that would end up being a lot of work and real, real creepy. So your gift is reading my bitchy thoughts on this crazytrain of a show! Isn’t that better than a dozen roses? Or a gift certificate for unlimited breadsticks and salad at the Olive Garden?
So Bridget is once again going for a ride with the star of Save the Last Dance aka Solomon. He’s helping her fill out some details of Siobhan’s cray cray past. So the last time he says he drove Siobhan was on Sept. 8, which, coincidentally, was, the same day of the horrible green screen sequence—I mean—horrible boat accident where Siobhan supposedly died. They retrace the steps of their drives on that fateful day and the first stop is Siobhan’s secret office. First of all, Siobhan needs a new decorator because this place did not look so hot. It was like where Art Deco went to die. I’m surprised she didn’t have one of those desk toys with the silver balls that like clank back and forth together. Not classy. Ooooh but wait: Real Siobhan is hiding in the closet with a gun!!! But wait even more dangerous are those hideous duel halogen lamps!!!
Bridget returns to the car and sits up front, thus removing any more uncomfortable Driving Miss Daisy feelings. She asks Solomon if he recognizes this key that she found under the desk. Naturally, he didn’t but he also seemed way more concerned about her being in the front seat. Is it possible that Bridge has really bad B.O.? I mean I feel like we’ve only seen her take one shower this whole season. It’s possible.
Oh Siobhan is totally using dumb dumb Henry. She tells him that she let Bridget impersonate her because she needed time to breath and think about the baby. She doesn’t want her life back yet though because she wants to make sure she can get out of her marriage while still rich. Naturally, Henry goes along with that. Doesn’t seem suspicious at all!
Juliet’s lawyer is Elle Woods’ sorority sister from Legally Blonde!! It’s like this show is all of a sudden being cast with alums from my favorite movies. Sorority girl looks like she could use a visit to that salon that Elle worked at. Pause—I’m obsessed that this episode is directed by someone named Guy Bee. With that and guest star Gage Golightly, I’m pretty sure half the cast of this show is ashamed to use their real names. But back to Juliet: She keeps messing up the details of the story, which enrages Catherine.
Ugh awful British lady Olivia is back. She goes to visit Henry and ends up once again trying to get him to ask his father-in-law to invest with her firm. She shows Henry the photo she stole off of his phone of him and Siobhan in bed. Once again, oh dumb dumb Henry.
NEXT: Bridget goes to a really sad coffee shop