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Ringer recap: Sorry Charlie

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Ringer
Michael Desmond/The CW

Ringer

type:
Movie
Current Status:
In Season

The holidays came early for pretty much every Ringer fan and me: Last night’s episode had perhaps a record number of shots of the GINORMOUS PHOTO OF SIOBHAN. It was in the episode so much it should have gotten a special shout-out in the credits. Speaking of the credits, I’m obsessed with the fact that one of the guest stars is named Gage Golightly (upon further research, I realized she seems to be the slutty bad girl who got in a fight with Juliet). Anyways, back to GINORMOUS PHOTO OF SIOBHAN — there were literally moments when I thought that monstrosity would start talking, which would have been simultaneously awesome, and the moment when Ringer jumped the shark. But let’s get to what actually happened in tonight’s fall finale.

So the episode picked up pretty much right after the most recent with Bridget and Malcolm realizing that Charlie isn’t what he seems. Bridge returns home to find the floor covered in white roses which I’m sure is gonna be a real pain for their maid to take care of. Andrew redecorated since the next day would be their six-year anniversary. So the pair then make sweet sweet love. Post sex, Bridget naturally takes a few moments to stare at the GINORMOUS PHOTO of her sister. Malcolm eventually shows up with the phone he stole from Charlie’s house. Turns out it was Gemma’s phone and not Charlie’s.

We then cut to Paris with Siobhan meeting Tyler in their standard hotel bar. Once again, all of Siobhan’s accessories are gigantic. It’s like she zapped everything with that laser from Honey I Blew Up the Baby. But it turns out she was wearing her huge sunglasses for a reason: Siobhan has a black eye. She tells Tyler that it’s from Andrew but then we see in flashback that she actually just hit herself with the medicine cabinet. Beating yourself up is like the biggest trend this TV season (see: Tyler on Revenge). Anyway, Siobhan attempts to win back Tyler’s sympathy but it doesn’t seem to work.

After Malcolm tips them off, the police pay a visit to Charlie’s house but they don’t find anything because he’s moved Gemma and her ugly fur vest! He decides that something must be done and calls Siobhan to tell her he’s going to get rid of Gemma. She’s insistent that he leave her alone but crazy Charlie doesn’t care. Also, he weirdly talks to her during this important conversation on speakerphone. I guess so that was so he could villainously pour a drink. That’s his version of twirling a mustache.

Back in Wyoming (ugh, can we just move on from this place?), Agent Machado arrives at the crime scene of a murder victim. Turns out it was another stripper and another alum of Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Amber Benson who played Tara! Does everyone post-Sunnydale end up workin’ the pole on TV? Run for your life, Charisma Carpenter! Anyhoo, turns out dead Tara was actually one of Machado’s sources and said that evil big baddie after Bridget had a spy on the inside of the FBI who he called the Matador. Or something like that. Frankly, this whole storyline was kinda confusing and not all that interesting.

Henry was looking total cray cray in this episode. He shows up to Siobhan and Andrew’s apartment with Bieber bangs and an outfit that can best be described as appropriate for a 1963 key party. Very confusing. Bridget tries to explain to him all the developments with looking for Gemma but he just seemed annoyed that so many new people, like Malcolm and Charlie, were involved.

NEXT: Andrew and Bridget spend their anniversary in a totally fake Penn Station!

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