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The Real Housewives Of New Jersey recap: 'A hairy situation'

At Bobby’s first responder party, Nicole confronts Amber about her lies, but they’re stuck (literally) at an impasse.

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The Real Housewives of New Jersey

TV Show
Reality TV
run date:
Current Status:
In Season

It’s always hard being the new kid in town, or in this case the new housewife on the show. Rather than trying to earn the ladies’ goodwill, Amber has decided to do everything she can to quickly earn a bad reputation for herself—but you know what they (they in the Danielle Staub school of thought) say, a bad reputation is better than no reputation at all. After only three weeks, she has already lied to multiple housewives. Already everyone has something to say about (or to) the Marchese family.

Last week, Nicole kept the lid on her temper to not confront Amber in her home with children around, but Amber’s accusations that she broke up a marriage can’t be ignored. And the lid on her pot of rage is fixed to blow at Bobby’s first responder’s party. Aside from fanning the flames for this season’s first Jersey brawl, Nicole must also worry about how Bobby will handle his first shindig. Essentially, she will only marry a guy who likes to entertain others in his home (entertainment through television antics don’t count). As if this party didn’t have enough drama buildup, Melissa is still upset that Amber’s husband, Jim, wouldn’t go to guys’ night out because of the Giudice’s legal problems; although Bobby lied and said it was because he thought that both Joes were too violent to be around. Even though they have never met, Joe Gorga can see right through Jim’s bulls— and plans to confront him at Bobby’s party as well.

But before the drama can start, the ladies have to make sure that they will look good. The twins take Melissa and Teresa costume shopping to get the first responder outfits, i.e. sexy fire girls, sexy nurses, sexy cops, basically any other occupation you can think of with the word “sexy” in front of it… except sailor—sorry Melissa! While shopping, the ladies naturally plan their attack bring up Amber and her recent behavior. “When you care about a person, you don’t continue a disgusting lie,” Nicole says in confessional. She’s right. When you care about a person, you strategically wait for the most embarrassing moment to confront and humiliate them on national TV. Teresa really does seem to be changing her ways, though, and is trying her best to stay out of this mess as much as possible even though it technically all stems back to her and Joe. She is aware of her hot Italian temper (cue playback of tables flipping, host pushing, and eye-bulging moments) but has learned that’s what people are expecting from her now and she’s only feeding that expectation. We all figured that out from the first table flip, but glad she’s on the same page now.

While searching in her own closet, Dina laments a life of too many shoes and not enough physical contact. She knows she wants to start dating soon, but she is not ready yet. Did you get that? Dina is not ready to start dating yet. Before the party, Nicole visits Dina and her cats (those were cats, right?) and tells her she wants to set her up with someone for the party. NO! DINA IS NOT READY YET! Try again next month Nicole. Besides, Venus is in retrograde right now and that’s really messing with Dina’s namaste bitches. Well, Nicole doesn’t listen. She still wants to set Dina up with Matt, an attractive 34-year-old old-fashioned Jersey boy/Magic Mike lookalike. And then we learn that Nicole met Bobby at a Dunkin’ Donuts, which makes her love for DD and oral sex (as stated in the premiere) a bit more understandable.

NEXT: “Want to check a cute guy’s heartbeat?”