Welcome back to another year at
Pride Rock French court! I’ve missed this place, where the only things more dramatic than politics are love, ghosts, and Francis’ prints. This hour brought together a number of story points: Mary’s continuing struggle to get back on her feet after her attack, Condé’s motives, Francis’ stance with the Vatican, Catherine poisoning Claude, and that one time Bash slept with his HALF-sister. We get it, Bash. You’re only HALF related. It’s still gross.
And on that note, let’s get to it.
We start at the castle, where two weeks have gone by since Francis ordered everyone responsible for the attack on the castle to be hanged. Now cleaning up the frozen dead bodies, there’s been a discovery. All those who stormed the castle had the Mark of the Dark Riders. While Bash wonders what it could mean, a very bossy Cardinal enters and decides that it can only mean one thing: Protestants made up the dark rider story to cover for themselves and really, it’s the mark of a secret league of radical traitors. Sure, that seems like the obvious conclusion. Why not?
Inside, Francis brings wood into Mary’s room in an attempt to see her now that they’re supposed to be living “separate lives.” And because she’s Mary, she calls him out on it before informing him that she needs some time away from the castle. She makes plans to go to one of their châteaus … alone. (And by alone, she means with Greer.)
After visiting Lola and the baby that won’t stop crying—royals and their sense of entitlement, right?—Francis finds out about the bodies from Bash, who thinks the bodies might’ve been marked after death in order to fan hate against Protestants. And things only get worse when one of Condé’s lovers—who unfortunately is not named Samantha Highfill—tells the Cardinal that he also has the brand.
Mary overhears the conversation between Bash and Francis and quickly gets Condé out of the castle. She will use her guards to take him to the place where his brother, Antoine, is staying. Also coming along on the trip is Leith, who is apparently now the Captain of Royal Escort. Is that a thing? And does this mean I can call Leith an “escort”?
Once at his brother’s current estate, Condé introduces Mary and within moments, Mary has gotten herself invited to a gathering. Antoine promises her somewhere to sleep (
and someone to sleep with), and after some hesitation, she accepts. (Just once in my life, I want someone to say, “We’ll ready you a chamber at once,” to me.)
Back at the castle, King Henry is all but dry humping Catherine as she mixes garlic and arsenic—16th-century foreplay?—to continue the process of slowly poisoning Claude. Ah yes, there’s nothing like murdering your own child because your other dead children told you to to get your ghost husband in the mood, right? Whatever, I love how horny Henry is, even in death.
Speaking of, on the way to Claude’s room, Henry and Catherine find themselves behind Kenna. Henry admits he doesn’t remember what he saw in her. “It was her ass,” Catherine tells him, noting that he mentioned it many times. The best part of all this? Catherine talking aloud and Kenna overhearing, which leads to this: “Not everything is about your ass, Kenna. Move it out of the way.”
So move it Kenna does, but that doesn’t stop her from watching Catherine “care” for Claude. Within moments, Kenna has figured it out: Catherine is poisoning Claude. And in an attempt to prove her theory, she begins swapping Catherine’s meals for other food, and Claude quickly gets better. However, when Kenna finally reveals the truth to Claude, the poor child is understandably reluctant.
Claude’s retort? She slept with Bash! Sure, Kenna can figure out a poison scandal in 30 seconds, but it takes her days to realize why Bash keeps screaming HALF-sister at her? Well, now it all makes sense.
NEXT: A swingers party for fancy people