”The Real World”: The truth comes out
Hey, party people: Whitney here, filling in for Lindsay Soll, who’s off doing something that doesn’t involve watching the death throes of The Real World. Good for her. For all of us still trapped in this parallel/drunken universe, however, there are things to be sorted through, and as one of the like four people on earth who is still religiously watching this television program 18 seasons after that first door was unlocked in New York, I’m happy to be here to help you sort them.
Other people I’d like to help sort things out: Jenn’s boyfriend Jared, who, to be completely honest, does not seem like the sharpest fauxhawk in the box. He came to town despite the fact that their last phone call ended in tears after Jenn admitted to sleeping (once) with Alex and then accused Jared of making out with other girls — and there’s nothing worse than realizing that the boyfriend you just cheated on is making you a victim, ladies. Of course, once Jared and his wallet chain arrived, it didn’t take long for Davis — whom Lindsay has smartly identified as an instigator — to ”run into him” in a bar bathroom and drop the science about Jenn’s real Denver sexual history, which, gasp, involves sleeping with Alex twice.
Jared took the news somewhat in stride — mad props to that guy for not punching a hole in any walls this evening — and confronted Jenn about the lie. Jenn, still the victim, could not believe that Davis would betray her trust so. After all, her only indiscretion was that extra round in the sack with Alex. Oh, and also that one time she ”f–ked around with” Stephen’s friend Darnell. And by ”f–ked around,” we mean ”had all the sex with.” It’s Tyree who delivers that information to a still-miraculously-calm Jared, an incident which sends Jenn and her eyebrows into yet another facedown crying jag. But never fear, party people: No one stays sad for long at mile-high elevation, and in the light of a new day, everyone’s got their maturity hats on. ”I have to be completely honest with him,” Jenn confesses, and takes Jared out to lunch, where they realize there’s nothing left to fight about, since Jenn has told him about everyone she’s slept with since getting to Denver. Oh. Except for John. John? I don’t even have the energy to remember who that is. I want to say ”bouncer.” Did Jenn sleep with a bouncer? Ah, it all seems so long ago, party people. And I feel so old.
Elsewhere in dysfunction city, Brooke is attempting to transform from a vampire into a human. It’s slow going, but the process is greatly accelerated by Sushi-Man, a.k.a Kyle, a.k.a. Dear God Boy I Hope You Enjoy Hysterics, a nice young man whom the Southern Bell Jar spies in a Japanese restaurant, and is so turned on by that she physically begins hopping in her chair. She ever-so-romantically writes her phone number on the back of what looked like a chopsticks wrapper?who can be bothered to carry actual paper in today’s society, really? — and drops it on Kyle’s table on the way out. Naturally, because he saw so many redeeming values in Brooke’s breasts, he called her shortly thereafter, declared her to be an ”interesting” girl — RUN KYLE RUN NOW — and agreed to meet up with her and the roommates at whatever bar they were chilling at for the evening. Weirdly, in the context of sitting down in a loud club to talk to a total stranger, Brooke seemed the most normal that she’s ever been. Even more weirdly, by walking her out of the club because it was too loud, Kyle came across as a fairly pleasant, grounded human being.
So grounded, indeed, that his suggestion for their second date — bowling — could only lead to tears. Wait, tears is an understatement. I shall attempt to reenact Brooke’s reaction to that suggestion here, using only words. ”BOWLING???” she moaned to Stephen. ”It just didn’t sit well with me. Sigh. Ooof. (sob sob sob) On our second date?? BOWLING?? (sob) (flops down on bed)” Poor Stephen — poor pointless, storyline-free Stephen, could only look on in concerned bemusement. (I’m going to assume that prior to her room-destroying, Mommy Dearest-esque tantrum vs. Davis last week, no one would have tolerated Brooke’s behavior w/r/t this incident, but Stephen’s no dope and didn’t feel like having his lamp broken.) ”I don’t know what’s so bad about bowling,” Stephen said, or something to that effect. It doesn’t matter, because Brooke immediately accused him of not understanding women (note to potential suitors: I love bowling), and then furiously applied some lipstick before drawling, ”Do I look like the type of girl who wants to go bowling??” and blowing her nose in a goose-like fashion.
Lemme try and answer your rhetorical question, Brooke: You look to me like the kind of girl who is dying to go bowling, if only for my own amusement. Please go bowling in kitten heels.
And that was about it. Not a highly eventful episode, I gotta say. Honestly, in the past I’m sure I would have considered this week above-par in terms of action, but if no one is on the verge of first-degree manslaughter in Denver, I just can’t get all that excited. Is it cheating to have the cast members on the Challenge before this RW season has even ended? Yes, if for no other reason than I remain unconvinced they’re all going to walk out of the house alive.
So are they done with Outward Bound now? When’s the vacation? Could Colie have looked more pissed when Jenn and Alex were discussing their sexual history in the bathroom? For a gay man, doesn’t Davis seem to really, really enjoy the company of women? Considering everything that’s transpired, is it strange that Tyree continues to be the least psychotic member of the house? And did anyone else find it weird that he was just, like, hanging out on a traffic island at one point tonight?