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Real Housewives of New York City recap: All the Countess's Men

Luann does the walk of shame, and Dorinda still believes in Santa

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The Real Housewives of New York City

TV Show
Reality TV
run date:
Current Status:
In Season

The greatest season in Real Housewives history continues. There are at least three scenes that will be recreated in Fire Island and Palm Springs rentals this summer by groups of gays — that means this is season is gold. That’s like the equivalent of Hamilton getting record Tony noms.

So we open the day after the Madame Paulette disaster… and I don’t mean those terrible modeling shots of Upper East Side ladies in ball gowns behind the register. No, of course, I mean John’s bizzaro party at his dry cleaner for Malan Breton from Project Runway. Jules and Dorinda are shopping at Jonathan Adler because Bethenny is having a gift exchange/caviar party which is definitely the kind of combo party only a Housewives cast member could throw. But the priority is talking about the tragic Madame Paulette’s party. Jules seems to have missed most of it because whenever there is tension, she immediately shields her face and hides. In my mind, when the whole Rey thing went down at Madame Paulette’s, Jules just covered her face and then tried to run out but kept banging into the walls like a Roomba.

So two ladies aren’t invited to Bethenny’s fish egg fiesta: Sonja and Luann. These two roomies instead head out to a midtown restaurant to also dissect the dry cleaning party disaster. Sonja just wants to get down to the nitty gritty on Rey. Basically, Sonja is all of us. Luann claims they only went out a couple of times… oh and they went to Ibiza together. In my book, Ibiza sorta bumps up the intensity of a relationship, but for Luann it was like grabbing a flat white at Starbucks. Sonja calls Rey Luann’s “lover,” which Luann completely shuts down. But then Sonja presses her on whether she slept with him. Luann: “A lover I would call someone who’s constant. I would call him a one night stand.” !!!!!!!!! I mean I wouldn’t even call him someone to consider having sex with, but that’s just my opinion.

So at Bethenny’s weird party — which I’d say is more of a gathering given the small guest list — Ramona shows up and is ready to dish. She asks for two drinks and a glass of water before she even sits down because she’s got a whale of a tale to share. And then she recounts the Madame Paulette fight. But mostly she criticizes John’s hands, which are both “fat” and “sweaty.” Dorinda then shows up so all this fat hands nonsense needs to settle down. It’s definitely an awkward entrance: There’s weird energy when she shows up since everyone’s been talking about her and John. She and Bethenny have a quick heart to heart on B’s Skinnygirl red hall bench. I’m surprised Bethenny didn’t hand her a low-cal energy bar to munch on. Dorinda announced to the girls that she’s having a holiday gathering up at her house in the Berkshires. I mean is that a good idea? Your bra party almost ended in bloodshed. Maybe it will be fine as long as no one tries on undergarments?

NEXT: Luann introduces her new guy