Oh how far we’ve come in a year! Last year at this time, Taylor and Russell were seriously at odds. This year, they were pretending not to be in some sort of bizarre take-home therapy exercise. Last year, Kim was a damn basket case. This year? Oh… yeah… same, but now with more violence! The one real sea change was that all the ladies — Kyle specifically — opted to take Camille’s side over Taylor’s, leaving Lisa to fight to give Taylor the benefit of the doubt and help her save face in this whole ordeal. Did you ever imagine this day would come?
Oh and Kim, what a singular disaster she has turned out to be, poor thing. Then again, after tonight’s episode, I’ve lost a significant amount of sympathy for her. Might as well start with her. So the majority of the episode revolved around Kyle’s annual white party (also known as the celebration of Mauricio’s birthday that has been high jacked for televised catfights). For Kim’s part, she was all revved up that it would be some make-or-break night for her children and her boyfriend Ken. Of course it wasn’t because they hate Ken — as does everyone else in Kim’s life. Ken sucks, is what I’m saying. Not that you anyone could tell Kim that. She actually smiled and excitedly shrugged her shoulders at the thought taking this man public. Oh dear…
Nonetheless, Kim continued to wear the promise ring Ken gave she just knew one day it would come in handy for leaving a dent in Brandi’s severe cheeks. Perhaps it was the nerves talking (or something else), but Kim was in rare form tonight. Brandi had scarcely entered the door before Kim jumped on her like a rabid Chihuahua. It didn’t help that Kim had been bantering back and forth about Brandi with desperate-to-be-liked Dana and her rage fluffer Kyle. Kyle was too busy to squash Kim’s threats of leg breaking because she was in her own emotional quagmire at knowing she would have to kick Taylor and Russell out of her party (more on that later). Long story short, Kim was out for Glanville blood as she waved her finger, bobbed her high ponytail, and utterly refused to acknowledge any wrongdoing on her and Kyle’s side in the game night dust-up.
To be fair, bra-hating Brandi was sunk from the beginning when she insisted on talking to Kim like any old sane person. Seeing that Brandi wouldn’t back down from the crazy, Kim went next-level and actually started mocking her third grade. I swear, she came thisclose to sticking her tongue out. For a brief, shining moment it looked like Brandi was prepared to laugh it off and carry on getting white wine-wasted around her friend, the Sober House mom we saw at Brandi’s booze-fueled beach party (side note: Why does she keep coming to these things?!)… but no! The ladies’ nonversation went on for another several minutes, including a stream of F-bombs from Brandi and the quote of the night from Kim to Brandi: “It’s a shame that a pretty girl like you has a truck driver mouth.” The coup de grâce came when Kim tried to rope her daughter into the scuffle. Brandi’s terse (and totally reasonable) response: “I’m not fighting with children.” And scene.
NEXT: Down and kicked-out in Beverly Hills