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The Real Housewives of Atlanta recap: Pomp and Circus-stance

Kroy asks for Kim’s hand in marriage. Phaedra proves she’s a better actress than Nene.

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The Real Housewives of Atlanta

TV Show
Reality TV
run date:
Current Status:
In Season

At this point Kim should just photograph herself doing everyday activities while holding a black baby and e-mail the evidence to the other ladies. Seriously, this African orphanage storyline has become a seven-episode arc, and it must end. Only problem is, I think Kim’s everyday activities — getting her fat laser-ed off, posing for a black-and-white nude portraits — probably aren’t healthy for a baby’s impressionable mind. Best of luck, KJ!

Cynthia initiated a lunch with Kim at the Brookwood Grill, a chain that they treated like some cozy hole-in-the-wall. Luckily both of them seemed pretty eager to slap a Band-Aid on their non-relationship and move on. In a move of passive-aggression, Cynthia kept her sunglasses on until the very last minute. Ooh, it was like watching a chess game between two great minds, deciphering the subtle maneuvers as each tried to wrest the upper hand from the other. But then they both fumbled by ordering giant portions of food. When you’re meeting someone for any kind of contentious reason, order light so you can make a quick getaway if need be. Instead Cynthia ordered a 3,000-calorie salad and Kim ordered deep-fried sea monster. Kim admitted that she says “dumb shit all the time,” and Cynthia immediately agreed. One point Cynthia. Then Cynthia suggested that they should hug, prompting Kim to roll her eyes and bring up last season’s “friendship contract.” One point Kim. They called it a draw and left behind enough uneaten food to feed an orphanage in Afr… never mind.

Meanwhile Nene flew to Los Angeles with dreams of stardom and no shortage of delusion. She announced her ambitions for an Oscar, used the phrase “the craft of acting,” and proclaimed, “I could possibly be. A Hollywood actress.” Sounds like a prequel to Sunset Boulevard. Not to be a hater, but I’m not a fan of Hollywood Nene. If getting a few appearance fees to show up at Bar Mitzvahs post-The Celebrity Apprentice was enough to make her utter the words “I’m rich, bitch!” I don’t want to be around to see what happened after her guest role on Glee. I mean, she was already this close to throwing a cell phone at her West Coast assistant Andre. Nene complained that she was “sick of” Andre because he was (in her best whale voice) “VERRRRY GAY,” which I’d normally take offense to, but Andre was in fact aggressively annoying. Seriously, who gets that excited over a Murphy bed? Throw that phone, Nene! (In other news, Steve Harvey and Rudy Huxtable met Nene at an L.A. hotspot. We were all sufficiently dazzled by her celebrity lifestyle. But it was nice to see KKP was doing well).

NEXT: Kroy knowingly enters into the Zolciak family.