You know what these ladies really need? Therapy. A reality check. A day job that involves clocking in somewhere. Duh, they need a break! And wouldn’t it be so adorable if that break involved an aggressively obvious nod to Sex and the City 2? Sonja, her gym hair tousled just so (“looks like when you crawl out of bed!” growled LuAnn), first pooh poohed the idea of Italy. She declared it “a little too luxe, a little too expensive” for some of the ladies. (Cough, Quogue.) Plus, it’s too cold there right now, jumped in LuAnn. Um hello, truffle season?, reminded Sonja. It’s a perfect time to visit Italy and anyone who’s anyone is there right this moment. Which means the Housewives are going to Morocco! LuAnn promised that the country is tres chic and sophisticated and so Sonja shouldn’t worry her pretty little head about being kidnapped or forced to dance with a hotel concierge. LuAnn will deal personally with the Minister of Tourism.
LuAnn and Sonja chose to divide and conquer the invite list. “I want us all to go away,” Sonja told Ramona. “Have a good time, diffuse the situation…” Wait, wrong trip. Ramona’s nervous is all, what with her loving her family, unlike the rest of these bitches. She’s worried about going to a third-world country where they don’t respect women and what if she doesn’t come back? No spoilers! Alex is on board because she’s always wanted to try cous cous. Morocco is on Jill’s bucket list and Bobby said she can go. Cindy’s in. And Kelly? Ooh, this one is tough. Remember Scary Island when everyone bullied her and she had to gracefully excuse herself from the situation? Wait, no, I don’t. I remember someone stabbing a pretend knife in the air and shoving gummy candy in her mouth while crying out non sequiturs like “You’re a cook!” and “Al Sharpton, Al Sharpton!” And then I remember hearing that Bravo producers had to escort her home for her own safety and that of the other women.
But the brunettes have decided that the problem is not one of their own, it’s Ramona. So LuAnn went after the woman, who, it must be said, is a total mess this season. First LuAnn told Ramona at lunch that she’d behaved horribly by going after Jill at her little party. Ramona got that extra-feral look in her eyes and started sputtering out excuses for her behavior. “If I can’t talk about how I feel then what’s the point of anything?” she cried. LuAnn then brought out her ace in the hole: A cheap Koala bear souvenir that Jill’s been carrying around for weeks. So choke on that, Ramona.
Oh Jesus, Sonja. This toaster oven bit is just not going to take off like you imagined. Unplug. Step away from the english muffin pizzas. Get down off of that table. Put on some drawers. Stop scaring Kelly, who is literally disgusted, with your lady parts.
NEXT: Ramona goes on a Pinot bender.