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The Real Housewives of New York City recap: You Know Those Jealous Bitches?

Cheers to our simple lives, audience! Meanwhile, these broads hit Sonja’s burlesque party.

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Joe Pugliese/Bravo

The Real Housewives of New York City

TV Show
Reality TV
run date:
Current Status:
In Season

The Real Housewives really need to stop grossing Avery out so much. Somehow the young lady with the perma smirk got dragged along to go burlesque outfit shopping with Ramona and Sonja. The trio hit Patricia Fields where Sonja got to flounce around the feathers and snaps and Ramona pretended to be comfortable amongst the lacy cut-outs and transvestites. While the older women tried on some outfits, Avery snuck in some digs. “When do people wear this stuff?” trilled Sonja. “Halloween,” said our fair Avery.

A salesperson came to Sonja’s aid and while their voices were octaves apart, Sonja was right that the two shared a similar look. Sonja you kook, I love you despite yourself. And despite your Black Swan buddy too. Good thing Sonja didn’t bring that woman along with her on the shopping trip as she apparently would have left little dribbles of pee in Patricia Fields’ dressing rooms. Rich people are disturbing.

Even Jill Zarin’s breakfast orders are annoying… with a weird side of endearing. “A scooped out whole wheat bagel, toasted with cream cheese,” she told the counter person at a Grand Central snack shop. “Candy never hurt anybody, did it?” Ally is turning into a real beauty, though I feel as anxious as Jill about her semi-joking interest in becoming a sex columnist when she grows up. Do teenage girls really still fantasize about being the next Carrie Bradshaw? They went for a quick bite to eat—turkey and chicken, hold the fish—and then Jill took her only daughter shopping. I can now add shopping to the long list of things I never want to do with Jill Zarin. “Everybody need to squeeze their fat ass!” Jill honked, in between moaning about boxy cuts and declaring Ally’s chest too low for a tank top.

Back in the city Avery met Ramona for a meal and she really laced into her Ma for asking to make a couple calls at the table. Ramona thinks her week has been tough? Ha! Avery knows from tough, what with raising herself all alone in an empty Upper East Side apartment. Ramona is always on the phone, Ramona is never home, Ramona never texts Avery her whereabouts. Ramona was looking very uncomfortable, nudging her daughter under the table for speaking ill of her in front of the cameras. Suddenly  Avery did a 180 and read her glowing mother an essay she’d written for a school project about heroes. I think Ramona’s heart burst right in front of all of us, as Avery declared her self-made mother her beacon and shining star. All Ramona wants is to be adored and her daughter gave her a helluva fix.

NEXT: Sonja lets it all hang out at her burlesque party.

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