On the third episode, a mini-allegiance may have formed that would effectively cut out the two remaining original Housewives. Carole invited Sonja, Heather and Aviva to experience some of her downtown magic, so they all donned various items of leather and braved the traffic. The women think it’s adorable that Carole rides the subway but not for them, no thank you. Sonja is convinced she’s too happy-go-lucky for public transportation and she’d either end up pushed into the tracks or abducted on the A line into white slavery. Aviva could never because she’s deathly afraid of being trapped underground. And of heights. And flying. And women who target men wearing wedding rings. Speaking of, Reid joined the women later after receiving an SOS call from his frantic wife. Heights were involved so he wore his protective lumberjack vest and most expensive flannel. This is what a guy wears downtown, right? When Sonja cocked an eyebrow to his ringless finger, Aviva explained she doesn’t trust the husband-hungry bitches out there. Heather rather sanely asked Aviva if Reid had been married when they met wouldn’t Aviva have respected his status. Aviva paused, tellingly, even as Heather goosed her that there was only one right answer to that question.
Anyways, Aviva’s self-aware enough to know that she’s riddled with neuroses, but it’s “because I lost my leg being trapped in a conveyor belt…” I’m so sorry that as a girl she had to endure that horrible trauma and yet as far as excuses for present-day behavior go that’s a little unwieldy. Sonja’s afraid of eating on camera so she announced to the group so she scarfed down a thermos of truffle mac n’ cheese in the town car on the way to the restaurant. It’s funny that she won’t eat a salad on TV though because she did live in Italy for six years with a Count. She coulda been a Countessa! Oddly, I honestly believe this was less Sonja’s way of “bragging” to the girls she spent her early 20s with royalty and more one of her la-de-da, where-are-my-underpants? stories. Anyways, after the Count and her broke up she went to college. Kidding! “And then I met Harry!” she said. Aviva’s face tightened. Sonja didn’t remember how long they were together, though later we learned it was long enough to have the best bubble bath of her life. “How long can anyone keep Harry’s attention?” giggled Sonja. “I kept him for five years, married,” reminded Aviva. After this awkward scene, Andy Cohen called Harry and personally invited him to the future Reunion episode.
In the Hamptons, Luann snuggled up to Victoria on the sofa for a Mommy/Daughter chat. Luann explained that she and Jacques were flirting with the idea of trying to have a baby. Victoria looked underwhelmed by the idea of such a quest, and suggested Ma might be a little long in the tooth. Well that stung, but Luann kept her long arm wrapped around her daughter. (Why did it take me until last night to realize that Victoria is a dead ringer for Kristen Stewart. They both have that same uncomfortable pout.) Luann, in her weirdly dispassionate way, explained why they were going to try anyways. “I love children, I love you, and it’s been the best thing I’ve done in my life.” Victoria, expressionless, gave her blessing. “I’m not totally against it. So, it’s fine.” Her next art show is going to be headless baby dolls but it’s all good.
NEXT: Silly Sonja in the City.