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The Real Housewives Of New Jersey recap: No Treats This Halloween

The toil and trouble continues for sisters-in-law Melissa and Teresa. Will a witch named Kim make the pot boil over?

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Real Housewives New Jersey
Tommy Garcia/Bravo

The Real Housewives of New Jersey

TV Show
Current Status:
On Hiatus
run date:
Reality TV

Welcome to Halloween in north Jersey, everyone! I’m not sure if this episode was taped in late October, or if the drama in the Garden State got so spooky that the entire neighborhood decided to put out pumpkins and hang goblins in their front lawns. Or maybe the entire state was reeling from the Gorga baptism so they needed to divert themselves with a good pagan holiday. Newly skinny and skinny-obsessed Jacqueline wasn’t complaining. She just wanted to pretend she had genuine affection for this holiday. “I like when my son goes trick or treating and brings me home candy!” she said with a smile. Sure you do, Jacqueline. I imagine you staying up eating mini Snickers all night long without a care in the world. Until you start doing your kick-boxing and squats for 400 straight hours so you can have a butt like Teresa’s.

But for all the merriment, the Gorgas and Guidices still had much rehashing to do. Each side went to their respective teams for some good “yes, you’re right” tough love. Theresa blamed her brother’s meltdown on the popularity of her cookbook. Melissa blamed it on Joe Guidice charging Joe Gorga. Caroline lorded over the a summit with her side of the family—where the women sat and gabbed and the men changed diapers. (Huzzah!). And Kathy and adorable husband Rich invited over the increasingly trashy Melissa and Joe (who looked a little like he’s just had electroshock therapy and was wearing a ski hat to keep his jolted head together). “Joe Gorga could have reacted a little differently,” Kathy said, stating the understatement of the century. Apparently, Teresa was supposed to know that Joe was about to explode because of some look in his eyes. You know, the look. Everyone knows the Gorga look. To that, I say: What if the lighting wasn’t so good? Anyway, Joe wanted some sympathy. “Why did I snap? I’m hurt. I’m extremely hurt,” he told the table. Oh, poor sweet lamb, Joe Gorga. You really are a sensitive soul. Deeply warped and Daddy issue-full, but sensitive. Even Rich started to see Joe’s rant was about to go into christening territory. “Alright, relax. Take it easy,” he said. Poor Kathy was regretting that dinner invite. And the meal looked so good too.

But both camps seem to ignore the most important piece of information ever: The Posche fashion show was coming up. “Hello? Hello? We’ve got the Posche fashion show coming up in two days,” Caroline says. “What are you going to do when you see Melissa?”

NEXT: The return of Kims D and G