“Elizabeth, I’ll be back!” Kim tootled into the house at her housekeeper, who probably had the day off and was miles away from Kim’s sad lavender abode. “I’m going to have a new face. Okay. Ha ha ha!” Please don’t ever make me go to Paul’s Night of Beauty. My God, those scenes of poor, ruddy Kim in a soundless sob as yet another needle penetrated her little face. Or a botox needle going into Taylor’s cadaver cheeks and producing an immediate olive-sized lump. (And thank you very much Lisa, but a couple of gherkins and a hot pastrami aren’t what she needs. She has a genetically thin face so her only choice is to depend on the magic of fillers. Or something.) Kyle wanted Paul to fix her love handles and while Mauricio was against the whole thing she thought that octopus suction contraption looked harmless enough. Until the red lasers came on and started whipping around and speaking in the voice of Big Kathy.
Paul was really feeling like the cock of the walk, and so he probably erred on the side of overusing that horrible term “muffin top.” And perhaps no patient wants to hear her doctor direct his assistant to baste her like a turkey and cook her for 20 minutes. He did though, in a nice display of calm doctor speak, gently get out of Kim what medications she’s taking. Turns out Kim is on a cocktail — Kyle rapped her sister’s hand for using that word — of some heavy duty anti-depressants as well as what I gather is an anti-seizure med. Paul explained that such a combo could explain away her sleepy, slurry, I’m-just-going-to-take-a-quick-nap-on-this-bar demeanor. That said, let’s pump up some lips! Kim worried that perhaps she’d rue the day she ever hollered inarticulately about Taylor’s enormous pout. As Paul smeared the skin around her mouth and chin with what looked a dog’s rabid foam, she snapped at Kyle to stop backseat-patienting and Kyle left in a huff. These two!
As for Taylor, she and Lisa continue to circle each other warily whenever they find themselves in the same cage. Lisa asked Taylor why in heavens Russell was emailing her about the state of their marriage. Taylor’s face went cold and blank. “Oh, well, I don’t have time to talk about this now but I’ll ask him,” she said. “He’s going to come by the séance. Ask him.” Lisa eyed her knowingly. Taylor stared hard back at her, her swollen face bursting with botulism and hatred. See you at the séance! Everyone except for Kim, who’s Catholic and spooks easy and doesn’t want Haley Joel Osment taking up residence inside of her.
NEXT: This Rebecca woman has a gift! (Or Google)