The episode opened with a scene that could have been directly lifted from an 80s sitcom. Kim was in a charming tizzy about her daughter Kimberley heading off to prom. There were cupcakes and fresh lemonade and what appeared to be a giant bowl of chicken salad. Her daughter Kimberley emerged from her room looking lovely. Her very tall date Nick—””Grmmm, burly!” described Kim—arrived with a shiny brow. Kim urged them to hang around with her a little. No thanks! For one glass of lemonade? No can do! Five minutes? Later Ma. “Call me, I’ll be calling you!” said Kim as the kids left and she moved to peep at them through the one open slot of her blinds. I really hope her sponsor encouraged her to make plans with a girlfriend for the evening. A little nosh at a Cheesecake Factory, an innocuous comedy. Get out of your empty nest and fly you damaged bird.
For a brief moment I thought there was a chance that Barbra Streisand was going to be one of the guests at Yolanda’s dinner party. (Imagine Kyle begging her to sing a few bars from her mother’s favorite songs!) But no. The unctuous butler Richard was just prattling off the names of past esteemed guests. Do we think David Foster shushed Oprah Winfrey when she dared sing the chorus from “Let it Be”? Yolanda was in full prep mode as she went over the menu with Richard, who seemed dangerously short of breath and in need of a trip to a cardiologist, stat. Coconut shrimp, tempura avocado rolls, oh fine, the chicken with mushroom sauce for Ken. Who exactly was coming to the dinner, Richard wondered, while keeping his fingers crossed behind his back for Kenny G. “Lisa’s girlfriends and some of them are single and some of them have husbands,” said Yolanda. Best one line description for the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills ever! Ah yes, said Richard, he believes he met some of them at the Grammer’s house once. Yolanda used their planning session as an excuse to give the Bravo cameras a tour of the house and I literally gasped in awe at the view of the infinity pool spilling out onto the ocean. This is the ridiculous, enviable opulence folks want from a Real Housewives episode. It’s also why Andy always demurs when WWHL callers wonder when Bravo is going to start shooting a Real Housewives of Rochester.
Later Yolanda, wearing the most luxurious, comfortable-looking, charcoal grey hanging-around-my-Malibu-estate sweater and leggings, unsheathed her gardening scissors and wandered around her lemon grove and rose garden. One day she’s going to find me wearing one of my free Fun Run t-shirts and a pair of faded black yoga pants asleep under one of her lemon trees. I’ll be covered in rose petals and wondering if she has any of that salmon left and I’m going to explain to the police that it’s all Andy’s fault.
The episode had me at this one story from Kyle: “You know what happened to me once?” she told her seemingly reasonable daughter Alexia during a driveway driving lesson. “I stole Aunt Kim’s Ferrari, I was 16, I was driving down Rodeo Drive thinking I was Coolio with the top down and a bee flew in the car. You know how allergic I am? I started screaming and jumped out of the car and left it rolling and a tourist jumped in the car and took over. You know how embarrassing that was? All because of a bee.” Then Alexia tried to parallel park without releasing the emergency brake. “Okay, you’re still four feet from the curb,” Kyle said after opening her passenger door for a peek. The scene had everything! A little back story in which a younger Kyle exploited a top-of-her-game Kim’s trust. A Ferrari. A bee. A tourist. And then some charming mother-daughter bonding to wash it all down. Beverly Hills, you are the Housewives every other city wants to be.
NEXT: Paul said he could care less about Lisa. In his 20th conversation about Lisa.