Here’s what went down last night on the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills: Kim brought some more of her “former child star” brand of crazy. She loves her children so, so, so, so, so much, and she tried to enlist ’em in a googly-eyed metaphor about how they’re all cabooses and sometimes an engineer blows a whistle and that’s when mama caboose crashes the train and nobody call the cops because cabooses need each other and she did it all for love. Should Kim be driving? She winced and pouted when one of her daughters suggested she might spend the summer without her, and then again when Lisa’s husband dared question her famous potatoes. Those potatoes made her a star!
Kyle, who I can’t help but like a little, despite the fact that I think that might make me a bad person, didn’t have her sister’s back. Sorry, it’s just that she has to keep it real, and real involves taking nine pairs of shoes on an Easter weekend trip to Palm Springs. Kyle worried about serving Lisa a baked potato, and considered relieving her tension by going for Kim’s jugular. “I’m telling you right now,” she said, her eyes lasering onto Kim, “you may be skinner than me but….” Lisa kept her from unleashing the fill-in-the-blank insult, and we were all spared a crying scene out by the pool. But Kyle got some thrills later on when a facialist suggested that Kim was her mother. Then the sisters got into a sniping fight post-mani/pedi over whether Kim leans too heavily on her grown children. Finally, one of the grown children stepped in and asked the women to knock it off already.
Camille took a hike across the country, making her clickity-clack journey from the family mansion to her husband’s office. Turns out she is the creative brain behind Kelsey Grammer’s career. She is an individual. She is an artist. Her ideas are so good that Nick Jr. won’t have them. She has three homes in LA, two homes in New York, a house in Hawaii, scratch that, several houses in Hawaii, and one in Colorado just for fun. No wonder she needs that binder!
Lisa bought a $1000 giant chocolate bunny, despite a chocolatier’s crude pencil drawing of Donnie Darko wearing a little knapsack.
Adrienne was invited to do a lingerie shoot for an Australian magazine, but thankfully the only person who stripped down to skivvies was a male model with highly impressive glutes. When the photographer called a wrap, Adrienne ate one of the model’s thigh muscles for her afternoon snack.
Why do everyday folks think rich people are awful? Witness this snatch of conversation between a couple of Beverly Hills mothers, chatting over $20 glasses of wine at l’Ermitage, talking about raising generous and humble youth despite growing up in a cocoon of privilege.
Linda Thompson: You know, not everybody has a pool.
Taylor: My daughter can’t even fathom what it’s like not to have food.
Linda: Take her to Africa.
Taylor (big grin): Right?
Right, Housewives watchers? Who’s more ridiculous: Kim or Camille? How is it possible that those sacks of fake butter and salsa added up to over $500? Why did that poor mannequin have to be blurred out in Frasier’s office? Does Patricia Arquette need to send Camille a four-foot bunny to thank her for Medium? Sound off below!
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