Inevitably the evening began with a Housewives-just-want-to-have-fun trip to Trashy Lingerie. The camera zoomed in on a sparkly sign with Park In Rear bedazzled on a woman’s bottom. Yeah, yeah, rumpy pumpy, we get it. A delightful librarian of a woman buzzed Brandi and Carlton into the shop and then the women launched into foreplay that will carry them into the hot tub next week. “I think she’s stunning and…yeah…nice,” said Carlton, running her tongue over her wrought iron fangs. Then Carlton came out of the dressing room in a teensy red number sighing over her big butt. This would be the equivalent of my 5-year-old complaining about the size of her rumpy, by the way, because, save for her enormous crystal balls, Carlton is kindergartener-sized.
Meanwhile Kyle and Mauricio bonded over pizzettas with Joyce and Michael. Mauricio is done with these Beverly Hills bitches who think it’s cute and supportive to make little twist-the-knife conversation about the infidelity rumors. Call me naive, but I dare say he’d pass that lie detector test about whether he’s a cheater. Like he’d risk the affection and trust of his family when Kyle could just beat him with her bowling-pin sized necklace!
Thank goodness for Rumpy Pumpy. That’s a t-shirt they sell down at Trashy Lingerie. It’s also the name of Ken’s adorable surprise puppy for Lisa. The little golden wagged and wiggled around the driveway until Lisa was able to swoop him up in her arms and we all got to gaze longingly at his puppy belly. Then Giggy appeared, wearing a cut-off sweatshirt that Cedric left behind on Season 1, and he backed Rumpy Pumpy up with a disdainful paw.
NEXT: ‘Where are the wild animals at the circus? Here they are!’