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“I don’t care if I stripped when I was 20, 30, or 40,” announced NeNe. “I don’t want a dildo up my ass today.” Oh sweet lord, please let my daughter have been asleep in her bedroom and not listening to her fallen Mama watching her trash in the next room. NeNe was in a particularly bad mood last night, pursing her lips and deadening her eyes whenever the mention of sex toys or Kim’s fertility came up. Kandi tried going toe to toe with her about all her righteous eye-rolling over her Bedroom Kandi line. But Kandi’s fatal flaw as a debater is that she gets too animated, too-high pitched, and the conversation becomes one between two hysterical tropical birds. Plus, NeNe is an ace at avoiding accountability. There’s only so many times one can watch this argument go around: “You did this!” “Like you never did that!”
Andy, who needed to assert himself more this hour, wondered about NeNe’s Audi 5000 end to the season. “I am very much over it. See I believe that growth is a great thing,” she said, while Phaedra tried to keep from bursting out laughing. “I don’t feel like sitting around a bunch of women all the time yadayada she said she run over there and take that back henh henh henh!” she said. Okay, she went off the rails there a little but that actually is a pretty good synopsis of Season 4. What with her guest-starring role on Glee and her $25,000 check from Donald Trump, she doesn’t need to waste her time “sitting with a bunch of 40-year-old women gossiping about some bullshit.” (Do you see how clever NeNe is? Even got a little zing in on those claiming to still be in their 40s.) Oh, and is it so wrong that she’s not into sex toys? You say dildo, NeNe says shower massager. And if she wants to couch her opinion with a lot of sneering, stuck-up dismissive put-downs well isn’t that her right as a an occasionally mean-spirited reality TV star?
There was some happy news at least. Kandi has fallen hard for the production manager of the show. His name is Todd, he’s fine, and he was a welcome distraction from Sheree’s back-stabbing in South Africa. They’re moving in! To a third house! “Match-making at Bravo,” purred Kim. “Great transition!,” high-fived Andy, who introduced a cutesie Kim and Kroy clip montage that turned NeNe’s stomach. Announcement time! Kim’s four months pregnant and she’s keeping the baby’s sex a secret. NeNe hissed her Congratulations and Cynthia, who up until this point had been silent, put on her sincere voice to wish Kim’s growing family well.
NEXT: NeNe and Sheree get in the ring.