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The Real Housewives of Atlanta recap: Out of Africa

The women return from Africa, and Kim is pissed that Kandi accused of her not liking orphanages. This is not an SNL skit.

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Housewives Atlanta Kim

The Real Housewives of Atlanta

TV Show
Reality TV
run date:
Current Status:
In Season

Oh Sheree, didn’t we almost have it all? You were my Season 3 MVP. I cried for baby Sheree and the Speak N’ Spell she was long denied. I believed you when you said you were building a house with a ballroom. I defended you against all those air mattress haters. She had one sensible line all episode, in which she praised the glory of South Africa: “There’s this huge misconception in the media that Africa is just this gloomy, unsafe place. What we experienced was yeah people are having hard times but they’re happy, just happy to be alive.” And yet something hardened inside of Sheree while abroad. It’s like that crazy herbalist awoke the beast when he insisted that she would never marry again. You turned mean Sheree. You turned small. You turned on Kandi when you scurried to Kim with a mouthful of exaggerated tattling. I’m not sure you can make this right.

At least NeNe was happy! Atlanta’s biggest homebody was packing for the airport, gleefully stuffing her carry-on with bags of chips and trail mix. Meanwhile Marlo lounged on her bed in her peignoir, looking like the Fancy Feast persian cat leisurely spooning crushed sugar ice into her mouth. She wanted the Louboutins packed in the red bags, her various hand bags in their own separate luggage. She’s the worst.

Back home Kim was on the brink of losing it. Yes she had two housekeepers tending to her needs but she was starving and her boobs don’t make enough milk to satisfy chunk-a-KJ and all Sweetie wants to do is lounge out by the pool and talk to Brielle about boys. “What are you doing out here anyway?” Kim barked at her assistant. “You don’t need a tan!” Kim needed a nanny stat so Sweetie looked around the house and pointed wildly at the nice housekeeper who was bouncing KJ on her hip. What about Pincha?, she wondered dumbly and then told her boss that if she needed her she’d be upstairs in Arianna’s room watching a new episode of Kendra.

Peter may be a total boor but the scene of him helping lovely Noelle with her homework was rather charming. Cynthia presented her daughter with souvenirs of an African doll and a cute little elephant key chain before turning her dead eyes on her husband. Did he get a gift?, he reasonably wondered. Cynthia looked genuinely surprised by the question, before admitting that she hadn’t in fact thought of him once over the 10-day trip. Youch! After Noelle cleared out, Cynthia told Peter that Bryson had gone and gotten himself arrested for stealing some razors from Wal-mart. (Bryson, what the….?!) Then Peter asked Cynthia if she’d worked out on the trip because he was getting ready to work her booty up into a muscle spasm. They headed up to their boudoir to make up for lost time, by which Cynthia probably meant catching up on episodes of Desperate Housewives.

NEXT: Phaedra is subjected to another episode of foolery. 

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