The episode opened with a Kim making the obligatory Real Housewives visit to a gun range. Except for this gun range was more like Pizza Planet with video game target practice and a snuggly baby KJ calling for the claw. (Healthy baby that one, with his fat old man baby face!) Kroy is a corn-fed Montana boy, which means he wants his woman packing. Kim, who appeared to have worn her best ice dancing costume, was unsure of her philosophical stance on guns. How would she handle such a moral quandary? “I’m just not sure how I feel about guns,” she said, “but hey!, I bought something pink.” She’s cool with shooting another human being too, as long as they bleed pink.
Another date night for Cynthia and Peter, who, I’m sorry to say, wore a pair of jeans that made his hips appear rather womanly. They invited Phaedra and Apollo to join them for a (insert Cynthia’s air quotes) “double date” so they could move beyond the men’s “altercation.” Cynthia, sit on your hands during your next private interview. Phaedra plopped herself down on Peter’s side of the table, moaning genially about the heat. This was a powder to your panties day, she told an amused Peter. Everybody knows you do that in stifling weather. (I didn’t know that actually but I live in Texas. Add baby talc to grocery list for next summer. )Powder to your panties day. The foursome had an easy time of it, though everybody knows you don’t ask a lady her age. Everybody also knows that Phaedra probably isn’t in fact 37 and 1/2. When they left Cynthia and Peter declared the couple dope and wondered why they’d hated them all that time.
Phaedra is the new Countess (just one with a sense of humor and rhythm). She’s organizing a trip to South Africa for the women and she wants everyone to come. (“I wouldn’t go to the damn trash can with them,” NeNe sniffed to Cynthia. They haven’t told her yet the trip is free.) In preparation, Phaedra dragged Kandi’s enormous thighs to an African dance class. “When I think of Africa, I just think of…” said Kandi. “Naked women with their breasts out,” Phaedra cut in, handling her chest. “Jangy jangy jangy jangy!” Oh South Africa. I’m sorry for what’s coming. Kandi was right. She can’t dance and her hair looked heavy and hot. Phaedra on the other hand has some moves. After class Kandi had to get her gossip on, because that’s what Kandi does. “Now I normally do not like to go on the blogs…” Yeah right. She rather gleefully showed Phaedra all of Marlo’s various mug shots. Please tell me that wicked woman is invited to South Africa. This show needs action, people.
NEXT: Mama Joyce wants a group hug.