Poor Damon, how’d you ever get yourself into this mess? The young man found himself in the middle of a production crew at a high-end jewelry store, with Sheree studying his response to multi-carat diamond ring price tags. “I know what she wants and I know what she deserves,” Sheree said of her lovely and sensible daughter Tierra, who I hope was encouraged to go see the Hunger Games while last night’s episode aired. The saleswoman wondered if wide-eyed Damon had a budget. “I do, it’s a secret,” he wisely replied. “This one is $40,000,” the woman said by way of clarification. Champagne, anyone? “We have to keep in mind I have $40,000 in student loans,” he said, before taking a lusty glug. He admired a $6500 ring; Sheree sneered a little, remembering the expensive token of Bob Whitfield’s love and devotion that she once wore. This was not love’s finest hour, and boded poorly for what was to come.
NeNe made a very brief appearance last night, but the screen time gave her younger son Brent time to shine. While his nanny, the wonderfully named Miss Norris, puttered in the background of the kitchen NeNe asked after her boy’s emotional state what with the recent upheaval of his parents’ marriage. Was he okay? “Sure.” Feeling good? “Sure.” Does he love her? “Sure.” She asked him to give his parents a review. “You’re happier and you don’t say no as often,” he said. “At Daddy’s house he’s not a grouch.” I like Brent. He’s got some of his mother’s twinkle and his father’s sense. The future is yours Brent. Go to college. Pay for your razors.
Kim and her girls were all atwitter at the mansion because Kroy was finally coming home from training camp. This called for a home-cooked meal! Kim’s chef Christopher—why do I feel that Housewives all call the same 800 number for hire-a-chef when the production schedule calls for a kitchen scene—was making a lasagna that seemed to involve a top layer of American cheese slices. This meant that the Zolciak oven was de-virginized and we learned that not only do Kim’s wigs have their own names and rooms and personalities but when they are bad they get a time-out in the microwave.
Oh no, another photo shoot at which Apollo looked like he’d rather die. The time had come for Ayden’s dedication ceremony which meant Phaedra wanted to capture the moment with a royalty-themed family photo. “So sticking with the theme of royalty,” her stylist said, “we have this leopard print gown.” I don’t remember that shot from Kate and William’s People photo gallery. Luckily Apollo and her stylist steered her away from the beweled bondage look and more towards old money Michelle Obama. This whole ridiculous scene was forgiven because at one point Ayden’s little suit jacket lifted up and we at home were blessed with a shot of baby belly. Get me some of that baby!
Get me some of that baby, Damon cried out to the bartender. Hennessy and Coke. Wine. Moonshine. Rubbing alcohol. Somebody start pouring it down his throat immediately. Sheree looked aghast at her jonesing future son-in-law, wondering why the boy needed to be annihilated the night he proposed to her daughter. “This is a night I need to be loose!” he said. “On that day you wanna be fully aware, awake, alive,” she said, as if talking him down from the ledge. “This is supposed to be a moment that you are not going to ever forget.” The kid finally spat out what we’d all already started to suspect. “I’m not really sure if I want to do it,” he said. A tray full of drinks arrived. “Oh, bet you’re happy,” sighed Sheree.
NEXT: Kim and Cynthia take it outside.