Even when she’s no longer a contestant, she still stinks up the place. Poison Ivy. The Ivy Tower of Babble. Ivy the Terrible. Call her what you will, but the Weapon of Mass Destruction returned to the show last night and, with a few choice machinations, confirmed her ranking in the pantheon of Project Runway’s Most Dastardly Villains. Wendy Pepper, your throne has been usurped.
Speaking of things that are deadly, let’s get to this week’s challenge: Designing three looks for Heidi’s line of activewear for New Balance. Zzzzzzzz. I’m not saying that this type of sportswear can’t be fashion-forward. Guest judge Norma Kamali did a cool line for Everlast recently. But the five sample looks that Frau Klum presented, with great pride, were boredom incarnate. Just a bunch of drab jersey. And you know the judges would have ripped into any contestant who tried to send such duds (pun intended) down the catwalk. Why the rainy-day palette? Can’t you be active and colorful at the same time? New Balance makes pink sneakers, don’t they?
Given the doldrums we were faced with right off the bat, I suppose we should be grateful that Gives Me Hivies (sorry) returned and spread her lethal venom for our entertainment. If her goal was to maximize her screentime by spitting out dispatches from Crazy Town, then mission accomplished. Ivy — who, with five other auf’d contestants, came back as a helper last night — barely made it through the door before making a beeline for Michael C.’s jugular. Like a stealth predator sizing up her prey, she started off asking him how it felt to still be in the competition. He replied that he couldn’t believe he was still there. And she said:
“Why, because you cheated?”
We knew Ivy had an inexhaustible reserve of bile for Michael C. We’ve seen her rag on his skills. We watched her accuse him of sabotage during the fashion expo. But she’d never made a cheating accusation before. Her claim? That he used double-sided tape to keep his model’s mammaries from spilling out of the dress he made for the Jackie Kennedy challenge. (Ahhh! Unwanted flashback to Models of the Runway!) He denied it, saying that his model has always worn falsies, which helps to keep everything in place. He countered with this zinger: “How does it feel to be eliminated for a crappy design?” Dingdingdingdingding!
Michael C. then asked Ivy why she was “f—ing” with him over stuff that happened weeks ago. This inspired Ivy to bust out an even more ridiculous charge: “The language that Michael Costello decided to use with me was completely low-class and it just shows what a despicable person he is,” she told the cameras. Clean-up on Aisle Hypocrite! Ivy, may I remind you that you yourself have used the f-word during your pathetic stint on the show? And just last night, you uttered another curse word a few moments after your holier-than-thou speech.
NEXT: Wait? You think he’s going to be reduced to a fetal-position of shame at his Project Runway viewing parties?