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Project Runway recap: Five-Ring Circus

Despite the inspiration of gold-medal-winner Apolo Ohno, nearly all of our sports-challenged designers run off the track

Posted on

Jay Sullivan

Project Runway

TV Show
Heidi Klum, Tim Gunn, Nina Garcia, Zac Posen
Current Status:
In Season

Well, lookee what we have here. A room full of fashion people who don’t know their javelins from their shot puts, their shuttlecocks from their Ping-Pong balls. Stella even called guest judge Apolo Ohno a ”speed racer.” Way to go, Stella. You just likened a five-time Olympic medalist to a turd of a Wachowski brothers movie that is the biggest flop of the summer.

So last night’s Project Runway kicked off with another field trip, this time to the National Track and Field Hall of Fame museum at the Armory in Washington Heights, where the designers seemed completely out of their element. The challenge was to design an outfit for the American Olympic team to wear during the opening ceremony. (But not really.) No one was as stumped as Daniel, who’s never watched an Olympic opening ceremony. (Really, Daniel? Not even when Björk performed four years ago? For shame!) While everyone scurried off to seek inspiration at the Armory museum, Daniel wandered around, seemingly in search of the bright red button marked: Push here, panicked fashion designer who does not like the smell of gyms.

At Mood, it seemed as though Terri and Keith were gonna rumble when the boy from Salt Lake City nabbed the fabric she’d selected for herself. But other than Terri telling the cameras in the confessional booth that ”a sister gotta keep one eye open,” nothing much came of it, which makes me wonder if, like many of you wondered here last week, the producers are just trying to force a villain out of Keith when there’s really nothing all that nasty about him. We didn’t hear much else from him for the rest of the night, and in the end, the dustup didn’t keep Super Seamstress Terri from whipping up a sharp, impeccably constructed ensemble comprised of trousers, a top, a vest, and (whew!) a jacket in no time at all. (Someone call the Department of Labor to investigate that sweatshop under her desk.) Michael Kors loved her creation, dubbing it worthy of Lauren Hutton and proclaiming, ”Hurray for sportswear!”

Now, I’ve made a point so far to ignore all the predictably annoying utterances from Suede and Blayne, but Mr. Orange explaining that the Olympic sport of tanning ”only goes to the bronze medal” was pretty funny. Still, whatever points he won with that witticism, he quickly lost when he told Tim Gunn that Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band meant nothing to him. Then, he bragged that his only Beatles point of reference was a musical production of Across the Universe with other singers. Welcome to the Age of the CliffsNotes of Culture. Brace yourselves. (”Oh, God — youth.”)

NEXT: Head-to-toe overkill