”Private Practice” recap: Too much sex
Last night’s episode began with Sam getting all Dr. Phil on us, appearing on a live television program to promote his book and telling viewers the importance of listening to their bodies. And boy, did the Oceanside Wellness Group staff take note of Sam’s message: During the course of the show, Violet listened to her head, Addison listened to her gut, and Cooper tried — albeit unsuccessfully — to listen to his heart. (And you all today are forced to listen to me, as your regular Private Practice TV Watcher, Ari Karpel, is out this week; he’ll return next Wednesday to wax poetic on our favorite 40-year-olds going on 14.)
But let’s start with Addison. Our poor, dear Addison. No matter where she goes, whether it’s Seattle Grace or the much sunnier Oceanside Wellness, she’s never greeted with open arms. Sure, I suppose I understood why the staff was reluctant to accept her at first, but now that the good doctor has been in California long enough to unpack her belongings, I would expect that her co-workers would finally lose their cliquey attitude. I mean, come on, guys. This isn’t Heathers. If nothing else, they should at least be open to attending a housewarming party at Addison’s place — it’s the least they can do after breaking in two weeks ago to watch a stripper next door. But the staff must have come down with a case of the warm fuzzies in the show’s final minutes, because they eventually decided to attend.
Though her casual get-together occupied about a third of our protagonist’s brain last night, another third was focused on a much more important matter: Addison discovered that she still has the ability to conceive children. Inspired by Sam’s stint on TV, Addison decided to take her health into her own hands and check out her medical file. Though Naomi had told her that she could never have a child, Addison’s detective work proved she still had two eggs left. When she confronted Naomi about withholding the truth, Naomi ‘fessed up but held to her opinion that a pregnancy would be nothing short of a miracle for Addison.
But no worries, because after last night’s episode, Addison is all about miracles. Her faith stemmed from one of her patients: a young mental-ward escapee named Rebecca whose body was so malnourished her pregnancy was a miracle in itself. The mean ol’ hospital chief of staff, Dr. King, however, said Rebecca had Munchausen syndrome and was faking her illness, but Addison still refused to give up faith. So in Oceanside Wellness’ first attempt to actually support Addison, the team banded together in true House form to solve the mystery, which turned out to be an undetected autoimmune disease. Does this outcome mean we can expect to see a pregnant Addison in the season to come? And if so, who would the baby daddy be?
Now on to Cooper. I know Tim Daly is all McDreamy: The Sequel and everything, but why isn’t Paul Adelstein considered the stud of Private Practice? Whereas Pete has so far been emotionally detached from anything that isn’t made of limestone, Cooper has proved himself to be quite the romantic, consistently wearing his heart on his sleeve. But he can’t seem to get past being pegged the sex freak by his colleagues. So the guy likes strippers and sometimes makes dates on the Internet. Shonda Rhimes, meet men. Men, meet Shonda Rhimes. Moving on.
Cooper’s patient this week seemed to be suffering from mononucleosis, but it wasn’t until the negative tests came back that the preteen, Michael, told the doctor his real affliction: He was in love. (Love Actually, anyone?) Cooper encouraged the boy to reveal his feelings to his crush and — in a touching moment — made a pact with Michael that they would both confess their love to their respective objects of affection. Though the doctor practiced coming clean to Violet — in a bathroom stall, no less (watch that wide stance, Cooper!) — Michael was the only one to actually follow through, and got a beating as a reward. Yep, turned out the10-year-old boy was gay, and his skateboarding-pal crush wasn’t too keen to discover it. For the second episode in a row, it seemed Cooper had become a student to his patients: Last week, he learned how to better understand women from his young, literally blue female clients, and last night, Michael taught Cooper that bravery may be worth the risk of rejection. Here’s hoping that Cooper channels Michael sooner than later — if Violet doesn’t move on from Allan soon, I’ll be tempted to jump off the Private Practice bandwagon.
NEXT: Too much sex
Pete, meanwhile, was busy using his unique skills to help an elderly couple, Sylvie and Stan, save their upcoming nuptials. (In order to help Ari keep track, I believe the score now is Eastern Medicine 3, Western Medicine 1 — thanks to Sam and Addison’s work with Rebecca.) Sylvie brought her fiancé in because he was fainting at inopportune moments, and she even made sure to share tidbits about their crazy-good sex life. (What does this show think it is? Tell Me You Love Me?) Pete solved their problem, which had something to do with painless migraines, but the plotline would have been fairly irrelevant had not Sylvie also served as Cupid, pushing Addison on Pete. Sylvie helped him come to the revelation that Addison is a lot like his late wife, which would explain Pete’s general coolness toward our protagonist. But as we know from the trailer for next week’s episode, his chilly demeanor won’t last for too much longer.
Before we finish, we have to once again address Violet’s rapidly declining maturity. I have to say it: Seriously, Violet? You spent an episode chasing after a sample of “pee-pee”? Seriously? I thought the first few shows firmly established that Violet is indeed a stalker, but the writers don’t have to make her go all Alex Forrest on us to prove it. At this point, I’m not sure how McCrazy can continue to practice psychiatric medicine with so many of her own screws loose. For the majority of the episode, Violet freaked out about having her ex’s current girlfriend using Oceanside Wellness’ services and demanded that Naomi tell her the reason for her visit. (Turns out it was a bladder infection from, you guessed it, too much sex. Ouch, that must sting Violet.) But Violet eventually listened to her head, and decided she was better off confronting Cami, who apparently was following the age-old adage of keeping your enemies close. Violet told Cami that she had nothing to worry about, Violet’s evidence being “You’re, like, two years old.” (Really, Violet? Because I could have sworn that you are.) But Cami soon revealed that Allan may not be as over Violet as we all thought he was. Which means (sigh), we get to look forward to more McCrazy in episodes to come.
Finally, are any of you, like me, beginning to think that some of these doctors aren’t very good at their jobs? First, Violet told Addison she can unload on her, only to prove to be a pretty cruddy listener for a psychiatrist. Then Naomi — who supposedly helps couples conceive and deliver “miracle babies” — told Addison that she was hesitant to tell her about her ability to conceive in fear that she would be too hopeful for results.
What do you think, TV Watchers? Would you go to Oceanside Wellness for medical treatment? Is Addison and Naomi’s friendship doomed? Will Cooper ever confess his feelings to Violet? And finally, did you confuse the Arm & Hammer guy with Mr. Clean, as Sam and I did? (And while we’re on the subject, who is your favorite bald character of all time?)