Well, it was a bad week for new loves, and an even worse week for Alison DiLaurentis (but isn’t it always?).
We open on Hanna in the car with Mary Drake, after Hanna’s just escaped from Bunker II. She did this completely without her friends’ help, I feel compelled to add — unless you count Spencer’s ghost. Surprisingly, Mary gives Hanna a ride to Spencer’s, after making sure Hanna was positive about not going to the police. Mary, you’re new to us but you’re not new to Rosewood: You know the police are no good! They have a brief chat about Ali and Jessica DiLaurentis, and Mary eventually says that “Most families have secrets. And sometimes those secrets are actual people.” Hanna asks if she’s “one of those secret people,” and Mary says, “Not anymore!” This makes me think there’s a handful of other “secret people” ready to pop out of the woodwork… Oh, boy.
Things are tense with Hanna and the Liars when she returns — and she and Caleb have a quick chat about how their moment at the end of last season was a mistake. Despite some confusion on Spencer’s part last week, it looks like Spaleb is technically still together: After Spencer admits she should have stopped Hanna before she got kidnapped, Caleb tries to reassure her by comparing Hanna to an aircraft carrier (“lot of firepower, but pretty difficult to maneuver”), then telling her to come to bed.
Meanwhile, Emily is dealing with a barrage of guilt over letting Ali check herself into that treament facility. She gets a phone call from Ali in the middle of the night asking for help, with sounds of a struggle in the background. The next day, Emily heads straight to the facility, only to find out Ali’s only allowed family visitors from now on. Because she doesn’t yet know he’s evil, she heads straight to Dr. Rollins to complain about not being let in. Rollins doesn’t even try to play it off: “I decided Alison would be better off in isolation right now,” he explains. Great!
Aria’s been pretty cozy with her co-author Ezra since their post-book-sale bang, so she decides to be an adult and break up with Liam. Is there a single viewer out there who was ever rooting for Liam? Bueller? She tells him she has a lot of unresolved things in her life, but assures him it’s not abuot Ezra. He’s calm but doesn’t seem thrilled, obviously — and then it’s time for Liam’s news. He’s back on the book! Meaning he’ll be working very closely with both Ezra and Aria. “I’d like to see you get something you always wanted… This way we can cross the finish line together,” Liam says. Yeah, this can’t possibly backfire…
Lucas still wants to give Hanna a million-dollar investment and office space for absolutely no reason at all — except that he 100-percent still wants to marry her. She’s not so sure that’s the right move — and while she’s pondering, we get a flashback to Hanna and Jordan’s meet-cute in a New York City bar. She was working tirelessly for her evil boss, and he set his sweaty glass down on her napkin (that had an important phone number on it). She yells, he soothes, and they have an hours-long date right then and there. I don’t have the same aversion to Jordan as I do to Liam, even though I am a lifelong Haleb shipper — anyone else feel the same?
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Post-flashback, Hanna books it to New York, where she puts on a slinky red dress and shows up at Jordan’s office for a “hostile takeover.” She seems like she’s really trying to make their relationship work — and they head out to find that bar where they first met. Of course, since it’s New York City and nothing you love ever sticks around, the bar is now gone (sorry, I still miss this amazing pork-bun restaurant that closed for no reason). Hanna takes this as a sign — she desperately needed the bar to be there for things to work out, and since it’s not she gives Jordan back his engagement ring. Okay, I missed a couple lines here because I was thinking of those pork buns, but did this not seem abrupt? I know she’s going through some stuff right now, but breaking off your engagement over a closed bar? (Yes, I know it’s not really about the bar…) Back in Rosewood, Hanna signs the papers with Lucas. Fashion empire, here she comes?
Aria, Emily, and Spencer confront Elliott Rollins together, who tells them Jason has approved “surgery” for Ali — even though that doesn’t necessarily matter, since Rollins has made himself her doctor and her husband. When he leaves to take a phone call, they get a text (on their APPLE WATCHES): “She’s mine now. No take-backs, no do-overs.” Between this stuff and last week, it’s pretty clear A.D./Uber A believed Caleb when he said Ali was Charlotte’s killer… but does this definitely mean that Rollins and A.D. are the same? This feels so obvious that I’m inclined to think I’m wrong.
NEXT: Mary Drake’s dark past