Sometimes you get rewarded when you forget to check social media for a few days. Case in point: I was totally shocked when the creepy, ghoulish, dancing girl at the beginning of the episode turned out to be none other than Sia video staple Maddie Ziegler. Her nightgowned demonry seemed like it came straight out of The Ring or The Grudge—meaning some of us can probably expect a chilling encore in our dreams tonight… yay.
The other big news (which you guys have been asking about for weeks!): Mona’s finally back, sporting huge sunglasses and looking eerily like another long-absent character, Jenna. She’s understandably skittish, but still quotable: “They might still press charges against me for being dead when I wasn’t,” she tells Hanna. Actually, this was a pretty quotable episode overall. When Spencer asks Aria what she did with the pink hair dye in the dollhouse, an exasperated Aria says, “Oh, you are giving me cramps!”
Aria and her new photographer friend Clark are getting closer. “I was thinking of taking a ride to the junkyard off Route 47,” he tells her. “Wanna come?” Yes, Aria, when a perfect stranger asks you to go to a junkyard with him, you definitely, definitely take him up on it. (?!?!) She does have a bit of a reason—apparently she could win a fellowship at a magazine in L.A., a.k.a. finally escape the murder capital of Pennsylvania. While they’re at the junkyard, where Clark is taking pictures of Aria taking pictures (again, not sketchy at all…), Aria senses “A” is there and gets spooked. Clark asks her out to dinner, and—in the answer to our Aria/Ezra questions—Aria says she’s not dating for a while. So… looks like she’s not with Ezra. Clark isn’t too surprised at her response, as he recognized her from the news (I REPEAT, NOT SKETCHY?).
In lighter news, Ali and Lorenzo are definitely happening. When Ali hears one of the cops stationed outside her house insulting her (“How many people has she put behind bars?”), she freaks out, but her dad is a little less than sympathetic. Lorenzo, on the other hand, gets a nice ladycop to switch places with the insulter. Toward the end of the episode, he and Ali finally kiss, but not before Mr. DiLaurentis expresses his extreme disapproval and accuses Ali of trying to replace the gossipy cop with “someone your own age,” i.e. Lorenzo. So, another question answered: Lorenzo isn’t supposed to be a predatory cop, I guess just a high school dropout in uniform? Later, in a fight with her dad, Ali sneers, “You gonna bury me at Aunt Carol’s farm, too? Shove me in the ground right next to Charles?” Mr. D seems confused. Put a pin in this scene for later…
Spencer’s addiction subplot is boring so let’s get it over with: She’s eating pot cookies at school, Hanna asks if she’s “buzzed,” Spencer goes to an NA meeting and runs into that sobriety coach guy from last season who lived in the Hastings’ barn, he drives her home and tells her to call him if she ever needs help. She asks him to throw away the rest of her edibles for her. Given that she was sexting Toby earlier and all but told Hanna she was super horny, I wonder if she’s going to call this Dean fella anytime soon.
Emily is still feeling super protective of her wounded little fawn, Sara, who is toying with the idea of going back to her cryptically abusive mother. Not if Emily can help it! They seek advice from Caleb on how to get Sara legally emancipated (I’m having One Tree Hill flashbacks—wasn’t every teen on that show legally emancipated?), who’s like, Uh, this is a very difficult thing, so why don’t you just wait til you turn 18 in two months? That’s not good enough for Emily, so Caleb says Sara can work at his web design company in order to put a job on her emancipation application. It’s basically smooth sailing from there, so, in celebration, Sara decides she and Emily need tattoos to commemorate the occasion. She gets a birdcage, Emily gets a Japanese character that apparently means “courage,” but probably somehow means “A.”
NEXT: The truth about Charles