Family dynamics aren’t easy to navigate for most of us, but the Liars & Co. have situations that make your awkward Thanksgiving dinners look like a laugh riot. Think about it: Spencer spent the better part of three seasons believing that her sister was out to frame her; Toby’s affair with his wicked stepsister sent him down a spiral of crazy; Caleb is, for all intents and purposes, an orphan. And now Aria and Hanna are going through their own familial betrayals. In Rosewood, blood is about as thick as… water.
But luckily for Mike, blood can be used as some sort of currency! He ends up handing over vials of his sister’s, Hanna’s, and Spencer’s blood that he stole from a blood drive to Alison’s pseudo-kidnapper Cyrus. Luckily, Emily’s Haiti trip precluded her from donating, which is either really impressive long-term planning from the writers or a meticulous detail that absolutely no one would have picked up on.
For someone who has been such a quiet character in this show, Mona’s death has really drawn Mike out—with a vengeance. Suddenly he is making withdrawals from $18,000 checking accounts, visiting Alison is prison, and—sharing his deceased girlfriend’s penchant for incredible hidey-holes—handily turning his protein shakes into nooks for blood vials.
It’s at least nice to see that Mike’s new role as a sketchball is going somewhere. This season plotlines have been introduced and dropped on a whim, but this chain of events, though slow on the details, is setting him up on the wrong side of this whole ordeal. I can’t imagine what Montgomery family breakfasts are like right now, what with the kids spending their nights spying on each other.
Speaking of awful family, Hanna’s newfound college dreams might be thwarted by her father, who is choosing to pay for his stepdaughter Kate’s education over Hanna’s. If he had a good enough year to where Hanna couldn’t squeeze a dime out in student loans from FAFSA, I’m going to go ahead and venture that he could put two kids through college. But Hanna leaves the office ambush brokenhearted, yet again, at the hands of her father, and with new ambitions to enter a beauty pageant to raise money.
So none of Rosewood families stack up to the Beavers, but while Hanna might need to figure out another way to pay for college, there will almost certainly be some absurdist explanation as to why Mike appears, at every turn, to be working with “A.” It’s the same Hastings debacle replayed through Aria and her younger brother, and at the end of the day they can hold hands, sing songs, and pretend like they never thought the other was working with a murderer. Yeah, not paying for your kid’s school when you have the money is an asshole move. But your little brother helping someone frame you for murder? That’s dark, even by Pretty Little Liars standards.
NEXT: No one does a holiday like the Liars