Oh, Hook. What have you gotten yourself into?
Last week’s episode ended with Hook staring at three graves, which Hades has determined will house the forever lost souls of the three friends that get to stay in the Underworld, to even out every lucky soul that gets to leave. Hook is refusing to write any names with the special quill, and Hades is just getting impatient and disappointed and angry. He essentially condemns him to the River of Lost Souls, which is a place you just don’t want to be.
Rumple goes to his Underworld shop looking for his son and finds a note from Pan instead that says the shop is his, oh, and if he wants to re-think that offer about getting back to the world of the living, here’s my number, so call me maybe. (He leaves his dad the Pan whistle.) Rumple makes a potion with a number of random gross things, including an eyeball, so he can see Belle… who is clearly enjoying herself in Storybrooke with a dwarf at dinner. I’m not sure why Rumple’s mind immediately went to “sleeping with a dwarf” but hey, we know Rumple has that underlying lack of self-confidence when it comes to relationships (as we saw in flashbacks), so I’ll give it a pass. He finds the gang at Snow and Charming’s apartment, where they’re assessing the damage done by Cerberus. Rumple hears about their plan to go down to Hades’ lair and get Hook and, predictably, tells them this is a stupid and terrible idea (which is actually true.) He proposes he and Emma go because Rumple can get living souls by Hades using a dead person’s aura. And he’s got someone in mind! That dead person? None other than Rumple’s pre-Dark One, ex-wife, Milah (Rachel Shelley).
Milah, unsurprisingly, is not happy to see Rumple, and probably even more disappointed to find out he’s actually not dead. But he tells her she can save the man she loves, and no, that doesn’t apply to him. She’s talking about Hook, who, if you remember, Milah loved and ran away with because he was everything pre-Dark One Rumple wasn’t. Milah’s a little hesitant to go along with Rumple because apparently her job in the Underworld (or, as Regina has dubbed it, “Underbrook” and yes we are using that now) is leading kids to school as a crossing guard. But, hey, “They’re dead, anyway.” Points for Rumple!
We get a first meeting between Rumple, Emma, and Milah — which was, by far, the best parts of the hour. Because, really, who hasn’t been waiting for the moment Rumple gets to explain to his ex-dead-wife that Emma not only slept with and is in love with her ex-lover, but also their SON? The Once family tree is truly screwed up. But, you know, as Rumple says, “I’m sure we’re going to laugh ourselves sick about this one day.” (In like, season 10 probably). Emma, Rumple, and Milah go to Emma’s house and find the River of Lost Souls, a.k.a. the “Gates of Hell,” in her basement. Emma tells Milah she had a vision of Neal while she was on her way down the river (that sounds strange) and that he’s peacefully crossed over to the other side with no unfinished business. Milah suddenly becomes sympathetic toward Emma and offers to go with her to Hades.
Regina, for her part, is looking for the Blind Witch. She finds Cruella instead and asks for help finding someone in the graveyard. Regina wants to know if a headstone in the cemetery means everyone is here, and according to Cruella, nope! But Cruella has a map from Cora about how to “interpret” Underbrook’s very complicated headstones. If it’s tipped over, it means the soul has left, if it’s upright, the person is still here, and if it’s cracked? Apparently there’s a worse place than even Hades’ underworld. Regina is looking for Daniel’s headstone, which she finds, and she also finds that his unfinished business is not an issue. Hooray! She gets emotional telling him goodbye for real, and how he’ll always be her one true love. I have so many feelings.
NEXT: I’d show him who was king of the forest!