This week’s cold-open apocalist item comes from Xavier’s list: Zorbing with Evie. Only, while Xavier’s rolling across the grass in a huge transparent globe, Evie is not present. That’s because she’s now doing two jobs down at the Cybermart and hasn’t been home or (more shockingly) completed a single item on her list in three days! Xavier wants her to quit and come and enjoy life with him, but she explains she has responsibilities — something he wouldn’t understand being unemployed. So, to prove he does understand (and because he’s broke) Xavier gets a job…at Cybermart.
Here’s his master plan: He’s going to improve productivity at the warehouse thereby lessening Evie’s workload so she can come home occasionally. Plus, there’s the added bonus of getting to spend all day together. They make out in the storage aisle to celebrate until Deirdre catches them and demands they attend a mandatory dating seminar with her and Hank to ensure their love is Cybermart official. The meeting consists of a two-minute video featuring cartoon dogs and a voice-over explaining that playing where you do your business makes things messy. Oh, just you wait, kids.
Anyway, back to work. Xavier, being Xavier, is making friends fast in his new role, but also Xavier, being Xavier, is already bored of loading trucks. To remedy the monotony of the workday he makes a “nap sack” (essentially a small hammock) out of some excess material he found and encourages his coworkers to take naps in an effort to be more rested and therefore more productive. Evie feels like if they actually did work they might be more productive. She’s smart that one. But, Xavier’s not one for hard work. It’s the longest day of his life and he feels like his soul is dying, that is until he makes a game out of wrapping boxes in cellophane and competing with the others to see who can finish first. They also happen to finish packaging the boxes faster than they’ve ever done it before. It’s not long before Xavier has them doing yoga and rollerblading about the warehouse, all in the name of increased productivity. Deirdre is mad and tells Evie to fire him.
Evie tries to explain to Xavier they can’t just be doing yoga in the middle of the workday, but Xavier points out they’ve already met their quotas for the day so they’ve earned this downtime. Evie then makes the mistake of relaying this information to Deirdre, who decides not to fire Xavier after all, but also decides to double the warehouse workers’ workload. When Evie announces this to the staff it leads to a minor riot (someone throws polystyrene foam at Evie) until Xavier steps in and suggests a strike.
It’s a revolution and the revolution will be televised thanks to Sweet Tea and a new journalism gig he’s chasing — he needs a big story to secure the job and thinks he’s found one in the Cybermart strike. Xavier’s busy campaigning for better rights for the factory workers (including Hank’s suggestion of a “I’m just not feeling it today” day where you just stay at home guilt free — it’s like a sick day, but with honesty) and staging a sit down labor protest when Deirdre swoops in and tells them if they don’t get back to work in 15 seconds they’re all fired. The employees scramble to their feet, but Xavier says that that’s illegal and they sit back down. The war has just begun.
Soon a picket line is up, and Evie can’t cross it. She wants to negotiate, but Xavier tells her she has to pick a side. Hank’s worried about picking sides too, while Deirdre is only interested in seducing him into stopping the protest. She bribes him with extra sick days and wants him to spy, but Hank’s enjoying the company of his fellow employees too much and opts to stand with them.
NEXT: It’s war… with tribal dancing [pagebreak]
Evie is just now realizing that Xavier always has to get what he wants when he wants it, and he’s just now realizing that Evie gets so focused on the task at hand she forgets the bigger picture. (Hasn’t that been the theme of every episode so far?) Things escalate and a helpless and stressed Evie tells Xavier that this isn’t a game, and they could all lose their jobs — which he thinks is just fine since they only have six months left to live anyway. Evie snaps and calls him selfish, explaining that the reason she does her job is because she wants to make a difference. He bites back telling her she makes a difference in his life, or she did before she sold her soul to a corporation that cares about her a lot less than he does. Ouch.
Here comes Deirdre with a solution, thank goodness. She’s finding new workers to replace the current ones. Ah, not the greatest solution. The workers get wind they’re being replaced and the mob gets a little crazed for a minute, until Xavier talks them down. He has a plan and takes a coworker from New Zealand aside to talk to him about “this dance” he knows of. There’s a Haka coming, ladies and gentleman. Try and contain your excitement.
And so the workers dress in cardboard-box costumes and paint their faces with permanent marker in an attempt to look intimidating when the replacement workers arrive. They’re ready to partake in the Māori traditional war dance/challenge: the Haka. Let the war cries ring out!
Despite all this, Determined Deirdre refuses to stand down, so Xavier brings in employees from the Tacoma branch to help fight for the cause. Things are really heating up, (great news for Sweet Tea, who’s broadcasting the whole thing live), but just then Evie enters with megaphone in hand to tell them they have to think about what it’s like to do the other person’s job and that they need a change of perspective. And so, management and trade workers switch jobs temporarily in a bid to better understand one another.
It takes less than five minutes for everyone to realize they didn’t fully appreciate the difficulties of each others’ role and they promptly reach a settlement where they’re all happy. Xavier resigns from Cybermart and Evie tells Deirdre she can no longer do two jobs, so she’s resigning as quality control manager — a position Deirdre then offers Hank, before dumping him for not siding with her during the conflict.
In the same manner as we end every episode, it’s time for Evie and Xavier to resolve their differences, kiss, and make up. They apologize to one another and Xavier admits he went overboard but just wanted to spend more time with Evie. While Evie admits that she loves her job, but doesn’t want to sacrifice the rest of her life for it. With all problems solved (apart from the impending apocalypse) the lovebirds zorb happily off into the sunset.
What’s going on with Kareema?
She and Sofia are still hooking up, despite the fact Sofia’s engaged to Kareema’s brother. They decide to keep it a secret until Sofia can secure her green card, but then Kareema’s brother catches Sofia sexting and, just like that, the wedding is off and she’s leaving for Venezuela the next day. Kareema is devastated (or as devastated as she can be; she’s too chill to really show much emotion) and realizes she’s in love for the first time. Evie points out that same-sex marriage is legal and the two could just get married to solve the citizenship dilemma. Despite marriage not being Kareema’s jam, she heads off to contradict everything she’s ever believed in and proposes to Sofia with a nipple ring. Classy.