There comes a point in every relationship when we have to ask ourselves if our significant other is certifiably insane. No? Just me? Well, at least Evie knows what I mean. With the days ticking away (maybe), it’s time for a deep dive into Xavier’s sanity.
We kick off the episode with another item on Xavier’s apoca-list: Shoot a flaming arrow. There’s one from Evie’s list, too: Put out a fire. Then they make out, which is pretty much how they celebrate checking anything off their lists. Maybe they’ve added it in there as a rule?
Over at Cybermart HQ, Deirdre has bought Hank a bunch of desk-related gifts (“Operation Hanky Panky” isn’t going so well, those pesky HR guidelines are getting in the way) and then fills in Evie on a control problem she needs to fix — orders are being screwed up. Not to fear, Evie is ready to get her “sleuth on” to catch the culprit.
But first it’s time to plan a party. It’s Evie’s birthday the next day, and the new fun-loving Evie doesn’t know what to do to celebrate. Maybe a food fight? A water-balloon fight? A petting zoo? Hey, she’s down as long as it’s crazy fun, she tells Xavier on their way to reading a book named “A Field Guide to the Cosmos,” written by a certain Professor Fields (we see what you did there, Prof.) Only Xavier’s not just stopping by the reading for some further insight into astrophysics; he’s there to demand the good professor review and validate his theory. Apparently, he’s tried this before.
It doesn’t take long for him to be tasered, arrested, and hauled off to jail for the night — but not to worry, he’s set the court date far enough in advance that neither he nor anyone else will be around to see it. Plus, spending a night in jail was on Xavier’s list anyway, so it’s really a win-win. Not in Evie’s eyes. It’s a rigmarole. Xavier appreciates her word choice, but she’s more concerned with the whole thing making him look crazy. Xavier doesn’t care; the world is ending and people need to know. Professor Fields is only in town for two more days, and he’s determined to get his research to her somehow.
As usual, Evie takes her worries to work the next day, where she tasks Hank with hopping on “the dark net” to see what he can dig up on Xavier — y’know, in case he’s just crazy, not fun crazy. Hank gets to the deep diving, while Evie makes a pro-con list for dating Xavier. Pros include his great height and that he sounds like Colin Firth (someone should break it to her that that’s the wrong accent). And the one simple but possibly deal-breaking con: He’s insane. When Hank can’t find anything on Xavier declaring him “a cyber ghost,” he decides to crash Xavier and Evie’s lunch date instead. But after some Morse-code communication and cream-soda enjoyment, the two guys are fast friends. Sorry Sweet Tea, it seems you’ve been forgotten.
Speaking of Sweet Tea (maybe now we call him Nasty T, as per Hank’s caller ID?), he’s spiraling without Evie in his life and placing big orders from Cybermart, including (but not limited to) fresh-linen scented candles. He’s got writer’s block, and there’s nothing like the scent of freshly laundered sheets to get the creative juices flowing. But when his order shows up, there’s a bunch of stuff in there he didn’t want, a new-fangled Fitbit-like device called a Zap Strap — a rather painful way to enforce activity — among them. Poor Sweet Tea can’t catch a break, and he’s not the only one: Evie is awash in returned orders. At least Hank’s happy; he thinks Xavier is awesome and his asteroid theory lines up with Hank’s Jade Helm theory — it might be the wrong apocalyptic event, but the date’s right. Woo, male bonding!
NEXT: Party like there’s no tomorrow