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''Nip/Tuck'' recap: Eden and Kimber make a porno

Eden shoots an unexpectedly violent scene with Kimber; meanwhile, Christian becomes Dr. 90210, and Sean learns that Colleen is crazy

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Nip/Tuck

Nip/Tuck

type:
TV Show
Current Status:
In Season

”Nip/Tuck” recap: Eden and Kimber make a porno

It was Super Tuesday all over the country, but the real contest was the Battle of the Sexes on Nip/Tuck. The entire episode was basically a face-off between pairs. Inevitably, Colleen (Sharon Gless) and Bliss (Leslie Grossman) had to interact, and boy, did they let the fur fly. My favorite line was Bliss’ retort when Colleen questioned why she would book Sean for the Miss Teen USA Pageant: ”Um, because it beats having lunch with a menopausal agent with chardonnay breath and an ill-fitting ensemble from Chico’s.” Chico’s! Genius!

But the cattiness continued when socialite Lulu (played by Knots Landing‘s own Donna Mills) showed up and ”interviewed” Christian about his becoming the personal plastic surgeon to her group of friends. I definitely think this type of arrangement exists. I love that when Christian showed up at Lulu’s, she was stroking a cat. The whole dinner sequence was oddly Eyes Wide Shut-meets-Dr. 90210. But good Lord, some of the ladies at dinner were a little tough to look at. Apparently, aging gracefully really doesn’t happen in Los Angeles. And where the hell has Shari Belafonte been? Man, I hope that was a wig and she doesn’t actually wear her hair that way. The alpha-male-doctor battle at the dinner table was pretty hilarious, especially when Christian whipped out his manhood and challenged the other guys to trump his ”ace of clubs.” But I really don’t need to see Joan Van Ark do a sex scene again for a long, long time.

The big twist was that Lulu wanted Christian to make her look more feline, something that will be seem familiar to anyone who’s ever read Page Six. Christian fulfilled Lulu’s dream, and her reveal, amusingly set to ”Maneater,” proved to be unpleasant for her friends. Turns out Lulu is bipolar and had clearly gone off her meds. All in all, this group of plastic-surgery-addicted women was fascinating. I can imagine that there really are women who can’t stop transforming themselves and feel the need to compete with their friends over surgeries. (I don’t even like going to the dentist.)

No surprise, but Eden found herself sucked into Kimber’s world of porn. The two became scene buddies, which surely would be any man’s fantasy. Unfortunately, Kimber punched Eden in their first love scene and completely ruined Eden’s face. It was simultaneously touching and disturbing that Sean agreed to fix her face and then tried to get her out of her contract with Ram Peters. Clearly he still has some sort of feelings for her, which, it seems, she reciprocates (although from past events, I think we’ve all learned that Eden is not someone to trust). The biggest problem with the whole Sean-Eden love affair — besides the he’s-old-enough-to-be-her-father thing — is that kooky old Colleen is still obsessed with the fella. She even brought Eden one of her insanely scary homemade teddy bears. They might replace circus clowns as my greatest fear. I do like that Eden was able to see that Colleen clearly was crazily infatuated with Sean. Still, Colleen’s lies sent Eden running back to the porn world and into a creepy ménage à trois with Kimber and Rand. And then there was the real topper to this whole unfortunate mess: Bliss discovered that Colleen actually had a teddy-bear booth at Hollywood and Highland. Hello, crazy! At this point, I definitely would have called the police, but that, of course, never happens in television and movies. Also, I would never walk into my house without turning on every single light, but again, that never happens. True to form, Sean arrived home after all this scariness only to find blood droplets throughout the place. At first, I thought Colleen had done away with Bliss by filling her with bear stuffing. But, in a nod to Fatal Attraction, she had slit her wrists. How tragic is this woman? I hope they give us a little background to who she is and what drove her to this point.

What did you think of last night’s Nip/Tuck? Did the First Wives Club subplot ring true? Will Colleen survive her suicide attempt? Will Kimber get revenge on Eden?