Well, Newbies, we’re back after nearly a month of baseball and X Factor. Did you miss everyone’s favorite quirky huh-roine? Have you been counting down the minutes to the return of Jess? Did your life feel entirely too whimsical and unjudged without Nick’s side eyes? Did you find yourself saying and/or douche-y things just to contribute to your own Douchebag Jar? If so, I won’t carry on any longer. The Jess has been suppressed for long enough.
Most of the episode centered on Nick’s attempt to get back into the swing of things since achieving closure with Caroline. He set up his first date with a coworker named Amanda (Lake Bell). At least he thought he did. It was hard to tell because, “Sometimes she’s so ironic, that I think she’s being serious” — particularly in regard to the Steve Miller Band. While Nick easily rebuffed Schmidt’s sexy date suggestions (which all involved the dubious notion of “close-up magic”), Jess’s overreaction to Amanda’s hotness (and Schmidt’s advice to “suck in the gut”) psyched him out as he prepped for this ambiguous get-together. Now, while your average person mentally pregames a first date by Googling themselves, hitting the gym, or just, you know, taking a nap, Nick got pants-around-ankles nekkid to reggae music. It takes all kinds, folks.
Since Jess has no boundaries, it was only a matter of time before she walked in on Nick and expelled a banshee-like shriek-laugh before hightailing it out of his room. What would be the next logical step for most people? Deny, deny, deny! What was Jess’s response? Blab about Nick’s “bing-bong” to the roommates! In song! With funny accents! First, she played off the whole incident with a thugcent (“Ain’t no thang”), then decided maybe it would be less uncomfortable to discuss “The peen what I saw” in a British accent. At this point, Nick tried to quickly exit the house, only to be met by a French affectation: “Bonjour le peen!” As is generally the case with Jess, that which was meant to diffuse the awkwardness of course only amplified it by a million. No less so when she looked down at Nick’s underbits and said of his impending date, “The adventure begins!”
NEXT: I Gotta Feeling (Stick)