Tonight’s NCIS episode features the two words you do not want to hear side by side: Ebola lockdown. And our gal Abby’s on the inside, dealing with armed intruders. No better person for the job, right?
We kick things off with Abby buttering up Gibbs, whose makeover made her long for a change herself — for her lab, of course, not her personal style. (Full disclosure: I have lost sleep thinking about how much damage Pauley Perrette must do to her hair with the constant tight pigtails. Those poor follicles!) Anyway, she dreams of working above sea level and wants to convince Gibbs to push through an office swap with accounting.
This prompts the group to brainstorm the best adjectives for their bossman: Grumpiest, angriest, loneliest, grouchiest, quietist. That last one’s from Gibbs, of course. And suddenly the adjectives change: Fairest! Strongest! Coolest! Like a ninja, that one. They should put a bell on him for as many times as he’s snuck up on their conversations.
So, the murder victim of the week is Navy Capt. Doblin, a biochemist beloved by nobody because of his fits of road rage and three divorces. When Abby discovers a strange compound in his blood, she asks Gibb’s permission to visit Celodyne Pharmaceuticals, which manufactures it. Her request is a handwritten “Solitary Confinement Release Form.” Ha!
At Celodyne, Abby meets Dr. Janice Brown, played by British comedian Lucy Davis (the original Office’s Dawn), and they bond over their lonely basement offices and their love of Caf-Pow. Awww, soul sisters!
Janice reports that the compound in Doblin’s blood is one of Celodyne’s imported, generic antidepressants, but it’s missing the main ingredient. If Doblin was taking it to stabilize his mood, it wasn’t working, which would explain his bad behavior.
Suddenly, an alarm sounds, pushing the lab into lockdown. Janice explains that it’s the Ebola alarm, though the gunshots they hear are definitely not part of the containment protocol.
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Abby soon realizes that not only is the alarm false, but also the phone and Internet are dead. So she creeps to the server room to call for help, where she’s forced to hide in the closet when the bad guys enter. And then, unbelievably, she talks out loud to herself about the predicament she’s in. Look, I understand that from a storytelling perspective, you’ve got to know what your hero’s thinking, but dang, Abs, you’re talking out loud in the closet of the room with the bad guys in it! Button your lips, and communicate your fear and resolve nonverbally! The bad guys are also extremely chatty, announcing that they know an NCIS agent named Abby Sciuto is in the building and that they’ll kill her and the rest of the hostages before they leave.
They exit the room, and Abby calls Gibbs, who tells her to hide until they get there. She then locks down the computers so they can’t steal whatever it is that they’re after, and then she totally pulls a Die Hard and travels back to Janice’s lab via the big air vent in the supply closet. Emerging from the wall, Abby marvels to Janice, “That was awesome. Surprisingly awesome.” Yippee-ki-yay!
NEXT: Behold, the power of Caf-Pow!