You know how there are dudes who come into your life, and then they leave and you’re all, like, that was fun for a while, and then move on? Not so fast, as this week sees several Ghosts of Boyfriends Past come haunting — and not necessarily with great results.
Karen: Who was the mystery person waiting for her in the hallway? It’s Alec! He’s back from Costa Rica, and wants to meet his daughter and take Karen out to dinner to catch up. Sounds great, right? I mean, I’d certainly be a bit more peeved if the man who impregnated me ghosted to another country, but I’ve never understood Thrupple rules and I can’t start now.
She wonders if he wants to pick up where they once left off — and it certainly seems that way at dinner, especially when he asks if she’s seeing anyone and stresses how much he wants a traditional family life for the baby. Hmm. Then he gets down on one knee and Karen sort of freaks out, but oh, Mistresses, you dirty dog: He’s just picking up a napkin. RUDE. Nope, turns out he’s already remarried to a lady name Faith. He’s also apparently told Faith that Karen was the one who sent him away, leaving out the part about him freaking out and running away to Costa Rica. He’s also moving back to Los Angeles.
Faith is a young and bouncy pediatrician (of course) and works a little magic with colicky baby Viv — and yeah, if this seems like it’s going to go badly, it’s because it is. Alec and Karen decide to interview nannies together, and during the interviews it comes out that Karen was “dating” Jerry O’Manny, which Alec is not so happy about. They get into a fight and he storms out. Before you know it, Karen is served papers informing her she’s being sued for full custody of baby Viv, and it’s ridiculously unfair — especially when Alec talks about Karen’s lack of maternal something-or-other. Karen is like, you’ve messed with the wrong mom… so I guess a big custody battle is brewing. Also, does this seem like the Alec we used to know? (Also, also, Alec keeps talking like he’s Batman in a V-neck and it’s really distracting.)
Joss: Harry finds out that Jonathan’s arranged to have the two of them visit one of Jonathan’s hotels in Las Vegas, where everything is free and awesome. Before hitting the airport, Joss checks in with her survivor’s club/defense class and learns one of their members was horribly beat up by her ex-boyfriend. They all get bracelets to remember what’s important. Hmm.
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Everything is super fancy in Vegas, and Jonathan’s showering Joss and Harry with champagne and poker chips. Joss is a little wary about what strings might be attached, but Harry’s attitude is basically: Weeee! She’s still unsure, but then gets jazzed about the idea of getting married while they’re there. Harry is down, and they get as far as picking out what celebrity impersonator they want to do the ceremony (Charo, which is admittedly fantastic.)
They get interrupted, though, when Jonathan’s nephew wants to take them out, so they decide to wait until the next night. However, this being Las Vegas, Harry falls prey to the siren call of the tables and goes on a bit of a hot streak. Joss runs upstairs to change and comes upon said nephew arguing with his girlfriend in the hallway. It’s pretty bad and the nephew is being pretty awful. Joss hesitates, but then goes over to help and ends up getting shoved by the evil boyfriend — and she responds by going Hulk-crazy and beating the living hell out of this dude.
NEXT: Why Joss, why?