Guys, at current count we still have zero actual mistresses on this show called Mistresses. Unless we count Jerry O’Manny as one? I don’t, I think. But I have high hopes! Let’s check in and see how our major players are doing.
KAREN: After getting hot and heavy with Jerry O’Manny, Karen finds herself in a bit of a pickle. Namely, when you are sleeping with someone you employee, when are they on or off the clock? What are the boundaries between lover and child care giver? This leads us to a few, pretty fun lines from Karen who usually never gets the zingers — for example, “For now I can have my manny and sleep with him, too.”
Well, yes, until said manny starts telling her things like he wished she hadn’t stopped breast feeding so quickly (come on, bro) and pointing out that she’s missing lots of bonding opportunities with baby Viv. She blows her stack and straight up fires him. She spends a tough night with the baby crying till she learns the secret is to make sure she’s wearing socks and who knows what we’re supposed to take from that but it makes her rethinks things. She goes to see Jerry O’M who is walking dogs and she apologizes. She misses him. He misses her and the baby, too. She’s like, you can’t be my manny anymore, but I would love to date you. Crap, I’m going to have to come up with a different nickname. Suggestions welcome.
APRIL: We get a lot of looks at April’s new kitchen, which is a very pretty sort of aquamarine color. Marc, trying to be a nice boyfriend, tries to cheer April up with a book about finding what your true mission and career should be. You’re supposed to draw a hat that looks like the career you want (I try to imagine what the hat for ‘independently wealthy never has to work again’ looks like). April is not having it and, frankly, seems rather over Marc.
At the store she meets a harried customer who is buying large quantities of things for his interior decorator. (Small quibble here, but normally the interior decorator does all the buying, right?) You may recognize actor Ian Harvie, who was on Transparent. April brings her goods to Michael’s house in Malibu where said decorator is going HAM on a Morocco theme.
April and Michael share a nice moment in the driveway, and it gets her creative juices flowing, and she starts thinking maybe the hat she should be drawing is the interior decorator hat. (Imagine that. Beret?) Even though Marc is the one who gently suggests it, April gets there on her own and presents herself to Michael and gets the job.
NEXT: And the new fourth mistress (probably) is…[pagebreak]
JOSS: Joss — who really has the best collection of bras, not to mention abs, in the business — is covered in bruises and Harry sees them and, understandably, freaks. He asks her to take it down a thousand or so on these self defense classes she’s been taking two times a day (explains the abs) and heal. Joss attempts to do as he asks but finds that her PTSD and general anxiety starts spiraling out in different ways. This comes to a head after she taps a dude on his bike and gets into a shouting match in the intersection. She talks to Karen about how the class was the one thing that helped her feel better and so she goes back and gets helpful hints about how to cover the bruises and use the pain and this surely won’t go anywhere good, right?
KATE: Kate gets her own category this week as we’re spending a lot of time with her and apparently she’s winning the race to become the fourth mistress. She’s doing the show’s version of Tinder which is called — wait for it — SHAGGER and books multiple dates with the correct idea that online dating is pretty much a numbers game. Bachelor number three, Dean, seems to be the winner but then Kate starts showing her crazy when she tells Joss that she thinks she’s found her husband. Spoken like someone who has not dated in some time. Joss is dubious and even more still when she gets dragged along to meet this dude who, hilariously, just imagines a threesome is in store for him. But Kate, instead of laughing and filing this away as a funny dating horror story, somehow gets mad at Joss. They make up after Kate realizes she’s out of her mind, basically.
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HARRY: This whole restaurant story line keeps going! The magical investor, Jonathan, calls Harry to his terrifying office and shows him his plans: a big ass hotel fancy pants place with great food. Harry, who has actually been talking about opening a modest fish shack since season 1, is not as into it and has basically talked himself out of it when Jonathan invites him to his home to show him he’s not the man we think he is. I’m not sure if the big reveal — that his entire family lives with him and he takes care of them all — is so mind-blowing, but Harry is like oh okay, now I’m in. Hmmm, we shall see.
Line of the night: “You don’t want to see me really angry!” — I hope that you too just imagine this entire show is one long building reveal that Joss is The Hulk.