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Mistresses recap: Gone Girl

Did you think they couldn’t come up with more drama for this show? Just you wait.

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Bettina Strauss/ABC


TV Show
Current Status:
In Season
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Welcome to the party that is Mistresses. Let’s say the show the way it’s meant to be said: Missssstresssses. It’s a hiss. It’s a whisper. It’s full of sexy secrets. The greatest thing about this show—and shut up, I do think it’s great and we should all lean in to the soapy wonder of it all—is how the show knows exactly what it is and seems to have a blast doing it.

Do you remember what happened last season? Me neither! Let’s recap, shall we?

We left last season on a bit of a cliffhanger: Joss was surprised by her handsome, rich boyfriend with an impromptu wedding. But at the moment she was supposed to be tripping down the aisle she instead rolls around From Here to Eternity-like with Harry, her super hot pal and former brother-in-law who loves her. We knew this was going to happen! But you know who didn’t? Joss’s sister, Savi, who unfortunately is in the right/wrong place at the right/wrong time to see this all going down. Oops.

April: Her husband, Paul, was dead. Or WAS HE? After his other baby momma came to town with Paul’s son and tried to blackmail April, it turned out Paul was alive after all. But now he’s dead dead, which normally would solve things. But the problem is that Lucy, April’s daughter, is righteously furious her mother kept the truth from her.

Karen: After dabbling on the dark side (which involved sleeping with all sorts of dudes while pretending to be someone else) Karen is rattled when she finds out she’s at risk for HIV.

And Savi? Well, as we learn it doesn’t matter because the episode begins and ends with her being straight up missing. Anyone who watches the show probably already knew that actress Alyssa Milano chose not to return to the series, right? So yeah… interesting choices on the show’s part. I am glad they did not kill her off. But let’s move on to the action:

Joss and Harry make out hot and heavy while she’s still in her wedding dress. Things don’t get truly, uh, consummated cause his phone rings and it’s Karen looking for Joss. Busted. Turns out Scott’s grandmother had a stroke. Joss hops in the ambulance with Scott and his family. Scott’s mother seems to be deeply suspicious of her almost daughter-in-law, but Scott tries to do the old, don’t-worry-we-can-do-a-wedding-some-other-time thing.

Lucy is definitely really really mad at her mother for lying to her. When April goes to drink some wine with Karen they discuss how mad someone should remain about their mother lying to you about their father being alive. It’s a good question. But this is when the women start to figure out that Savi is missing. No one had seen her since she left the ceremony. But in better news, Karen doesn’t have HIV! The doctor wants to see her anyway, and she’s not sure why. She advises April to tell Lucy everything. The women sigh and glug glug glug. Word up, women.

More wine is opened when Joss comes to fill them in on the latest. I’d guess Karen and April are at least two glasses ahead of Joss. April, rather hilariously, half-slurs, “The truth shall set you free.” What kind of show would we have if everyone abided by this? Joss points out that hurting Scott isn’t a great idea and somehow that’s around when they realize that no one has heard from Savi. Karen: “Oh my god—Savi is missing!” See how Karen knows what show she’s on? Joss, however, is all: nah. She texts Savi and gets the response back: “You are no longer my sister.” Yikes. They quickly piece together that Savi must have seen Joss making out with Harry. Joss is horrified.

Let me say for the record here that Joss is, hands down, my favorite character on this show and I think Harry is super hot and I like them together. But wow, this does sort of break the ultimate sister code. Though, in fairness, Joss thought Savi was all done with Harry. But still, come on. This is a tough one.

Joss goes to Savi’s house and leaves a voicemail. (Was that really Alyssa Milano’s recorded message? I am dubious. Anyone?)

April levels with Lucy about every insane thing that happened last season. Everyone lied to April, but she lied to Lucy. Lucy does not forgive her. I love a grudge-holding little girl.

Joss meets with Dominick. Remember him!?! Well it turns out that Savi quit her job and didn’t even tell him personally. It didn’t go well with the partners. Bye Dom!

Karen goes to her doctor, Dr. Handsome Alec Adams. He informs her that he illegally screened her blood and discovered she’s AB RH negative. This is a very rare type and he’s been searching for several years. He has a patient suffering from severe Aplastic Anemia. The patient has a great-grandmother who was Korean (more on this in a second) and so he profiled Karen. Karen is outraged as this is fairly messed up, but then he explains the patient is his wife and she’s dying and there’s nothing he wouldn’t do to save her life.

Joss fills Harry in on the latest. He’s rather unruffled. He points out that Savi cheated on him when they were married and then picked the other guy to boot. He doesn’t think he should feel bad about moving on with his life. Harry gets a little worried when Joss doesn’t seem to be jumping up and down to tell Scott what’s up. He wonders if she was using him to get out of getting married.

Joss starts to go full feral animal and it’s not helped when she gets a call that Scott’s grandmother did indeed die. She’s coming undone and Harry, bless him, goes into soothing mode. He treats her likes a spooked horse, tells her he loves her and that they’ll figure out this mess together. Go Harry, go! He also rightfully tells her that if she doesn’t want this/him, she needs to make a decision.

NEXT: Karen feels part of a bigger picture