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Mistresses recap: Murder She Wrote

We’re really going there with this murder plot? Sigh.

Posted on

Ed Araquel/ABC

Mistresses

type:
TV Show
Current Status:
In Season
seasons:
3
run date:
06/03/13
broadcaster:
ABC
genre:
Drama

Ugh, this murder plot. This upsets me on such a deep level, Mistresses! Can’t we just have Joss and Harry making out or something? I’ll even take thrupple drama over this!

So, okay let’s do this: We pick up where we left off, with Joss reasonably freaking out when she finds dead Luca on the stairs. Does she call the cops like a normal person? No, of course not. She gets in her car covered with blood and calls Calista. No answer. Then she calls Harry. No one is picking up. She heads back to Karen’s house and smears Luca’s blood/evidence all over the place—it’s like she’s never seen an episode of Law & Order—and takes a freaked-out shower.

Marc and April chat about their shared insomnia. These guys are way too good looking to be insomniacs, by the way. (Trust me.) April and Marc chat a bit about all the usual stuff, including shared friends like Harry. Marc gets instantly nervous and is all, Oh, Harry? Nothing to see there: He’s GREAT. And April’s lady spidey sense starts dinging and it does not take her long to get to the nut of it—which is that Harry slept with Niko. Don’t become a spy, Marc. Predictable and pathetic, says April. Amen.

Karen—and her hickey—comes home to Joss who is deeply in shock. Joss explains what’s happened and is a general wreck and Karen takes over, thank goodness. Over at the crime scene, Calista pulls up. Calista, what the hell are you up to? A cop breaks it down: Luca is dead, and Calista gives an Oscar-worthy performance playing shocked wife. I’m not buying it. She erases a panicked voice mail from Joss. Hmmm.

The cops are talking to Joss who tells them the whole sordid tale. The cops don’t seem to buy it.  They leave, taking Joss’ clothes for evidence. Karen, a pro at this whole maybe murder thing, tells her that they’re probably testing it for gunpowder. Yeah, this story line is going to do me in.

Harry and Marc are surfing, and Marc is displaying a very buff bod! Hey Marc, who knew? Harry quickly figures out Marc’s crazy crush love on April—something that Harry then has to actually explain to Marc. Men! Harry suggests that the solution to Marc’s problem is to get laid. Oh brother.

April drops Lucy off and has a little quality time with headmaster hottie Blair. He also has floor seats at the Lakers game: And he invites both April and Lucy. Too soon, everyone! But it would be hard to turn down free floor tickets so… yeah, tough call.

The women gather at Karen’s, and poor Joss still thinks fondly about Calista and freaks out about maybe getting arrested. Karen is all, girl, I’ve been there. Joss wants to call Harry and April leads her away from that idea and now Joss’ spidey sense goes off. April breaks the bro code and tells Joss he slept with Niko. Well, now she’s really having a bad day.

Calista is chatting with the cop who clearly is on to her weirdness. Or is just weird herself. TBD on that. She wants to know about Joss and Calista’s plan to trap Luca in bed. Calista is all, oh I nothing about that! Ugggggh, this story line!

The thrupple is hanging out on the patio. Karen and Alec are super shady and basically have a neon sign blaring—We Slept Together—over their heads. Karen tells Vivian she missed her. There’s more thrupple weirdness now that Karen and Alec slept together without their third. Alec and Karen debate over who wants to hurt Vivian less. Of course, Vivian sees them talking and instantly picks up what is going down. I guess this episode is good for women’s intuition?

Some alcohol rep is throwing her boobs all over Harry’s face and he plays pimp, sort of, and brings Marc over to Boobs McGee who rubs up on him instead. Harry is all, look at me I’m a wingman! And takes off. Marc does a lot of fancy footwork to not drink the vodka she’s offering and all of this would be a lot easier if he just said, “I’m in recovery” like a normal person.

NEXT: Jess gets grilled … kind of