Annnnnd, we’re back. The name of this episode is “Love Is an Open Door” which is also a song from Frozen. If anyone can tell me what the connection is, I’ll be forever grateful.
We’re told it’s a week later and we’re treated to a sexy montage of thruppledom. There’s a shot of Karen sleeping between Vivian and Alec, and I gotta say that seems like the worst part of being in a threesome. Can you imagine an extra person being in bed? And you are in the middle? That means there is always someone breathing at you at all times and to that I say, no thank you.
Still, the show seems to go through a lot of effort to show how great and sexy all this threesome stuff is. There’s steamy showers! There’s breakfast with toast! This is all a little weird, but Karen seems to have her groove back. Except she forgets her phone at her married couple boyfriend/girlfriend’s house. No problem: She’s chatting with Father John when Vivian shows up with Karen’s phone and gives her a kiss. The priest is all, oh it’s like that is it? He bends practically in half to assure her that this church is, like, totally cool with gay people. You know, how churches usually are.
April is all worked up about her date with Blair—she is making lasagna and he’s not even Garfield—and Marc will be babysitting. April’s grades have improved but she’s now obsessed with her grandmother (nice exposition, show!) who was a circuit judge or something equally impressive. All that’s important is that we’re introducing a Grandmother Plot. Okay? When April drops Lucy off, headmaster hottie Blair tells April that she should take advantage of this new grandmother character as a positive influence. April is all meh, but HH really pushes the issue. They make cute about their date.
Calista and Joss are hungover, and Calista is freaking out about not being able to get out of her contract with Luca. These girls are both looking a little rough, which I appreciate. They also have very cute pajamas: I feel like Joss is more a tank top and underwear kind of girl, but what do I know. Calista thinks something is up beyond Luca just being a horrible monster. Joss is all: Let’s go back to the original plan in divorcing him and saving the empire. Calista, in turn, tries to bolster Joss’ spirits about Harry and the open-ended breakup.
Harry is also feeling pretty down in the dumps. His new buddy Marc shows up (with the absolutely most hilarious fake L.A. backdrop behind him) to see if he wants to go surfing. Marc gives him a bro pep talk and tells him he needs to come back to the restaurant because things are falling apart and the sous chef is using too much cumin. Harry agrees.
Calista is back to trying to catch Luca cheating, but he walks in and is all, stop wasting your time. He shocks her by telling her he wants a divorce: He’s in love with that awful model chick Eva, and he wants to marry her. Luca is an idiot. He blah blah blahs about Eva, who apparently is the secret artist behind the ugly accessories line. He also is like, good luck proving I’m a cheater—you got nothing! Calista unravels.
April and Joss chat about this whole new grandmother issue. Turns out, April kind of hates her mom, but it has not been revealed why. April is like well maybe I should give her a break but then gets distracted cause some hot guy is checking out Joss. It’s Brad! Who is, apparently, some dude Joss totally used to bone back in college. They quickly establish that they’re unmarried and good-looking. Brad tells her he’s in town for the week, and I think we’re all picking up what Brad is putting down.
Calista is still freaking out and refuses to look like a fool. She’s not sure how to make Luca’s line fail without screwing herself. Calista has a lightbulb moment and tells Joss to get a preview party together with lots of press.
At Wunderbar, gross Ellis (remember him?) asks Harry why he’s been out the last few days. Ugh, he’s annoying. Niko is all heeeeeeeey. She’s the worst, too! She tells Harry he should come out and “play” with the staff (yeeeech). Harry is weirded out. It’s like he still doesn’t know how hot he is, which is weird.
April talks to Marc about her whole grandmother problem: She is worried about Marc because her mom has a drinking problem. Marc is touched she thought of him, but points out that he works at a bar. Good point. April calls her mother an expertly functioning alcoholic: flawless in public but a mess at home. April tells a story of her misspent youth when she went out and painted this mural and, you guys, Marc totally knows that mural! Can you believe it?! In all seriousness, this scene actually establishes quite a lot. April’s parents are an ethics professor and a judge (which tracks) but they were also incredibly strict and her father apparently believed in the old spare the rod, spoil the child thing. There’s a poignant moment when Marc half smiles and says, “Dads and their belts,” in regards to beatings and that sort of says an awful lot, right? April’s mom was always drinking during all this. Marc advises her not to worry so much about what Blair thinks and to do what she feels, which is, as it turns out, NOT to have her mom come to visit. All in all, a very sweet scene between them. I guess I’m coming around on the Marc and April thing.
NEXT: Calista’s plan to screw Luca is revealed…