Some good things happen in this episode (Harry! Joss!) and some troubling things happen (Thrupple Drama) and some downright annoying things happen (jail, jail, jail zzzzz). Let’s get into it!
Karen tells 2/3rds of the thrupple that they are pregnant. She gives them an interesting stat about how people can still get pregnant on the pill. Did they know that? Unsurprisingly, no they did not. So, yeah, guess what? True to form, Alec wants to bolt and Vivian is all: Wait, I want to talk and they start arguing almost immediately. Karen decides this is really bad already for my unborn child, I’m out!
Over in Calista-land, she’s all drunk (who swills a cocktail around better than Jennifer Esposito?) and scrolling through Twitter looking for support. Turns out they’re praying for her in Ohio. And Zac Posen sent flowers! This happy mood is disturbed by a call from Patty, who is en route to the police because there’s new evidence. Patty doesn’t know what it is. She asks Calista: Are you sure you’ve told me everything? Calista is all, nope. (But really, she means, yup just about everything).
The evidence in question—which we see when David shows Joss—is Calista’s car at the scene of the crime, thanks to the neighbor’s security video. David explains for us dummies that this is an important first step. He warns her it’s a process… but the good news is that she can finally start getting visitors. You guys know what that means, right? Harry time!
Harry is en route to see Joss when curly-haired Ari shows up. She tells Harry she knows great lawyers, you know. (Of course she does.). She also brought him a gift: a knife from Japan that I can’t understand the name of thanks to Harry’s accent. She had it flown over from Japan! Uh-oh, who else thinks Ari looooooves Harry?
Blair also has gifts: a truly ugly scarf from Seattle (I thought he was in Charleston but whatever) for April that she gamely pretends to like. No way. She’s all skittish thinking about all the hot sex she had with Daniel, so she chatters nervously for a bit about Joss. Blair suggests they all go on a trip there with Lucy. He suggests she makes a great dinner and he’ll pitch it to Lucy. Oh sure, what could go wrong there?
In the slammer, Joss hears there is a visitor and gets all excited, as do I, at the thought that Harry is there. Finally, that handsome face appears and it’s as magical as I would hope it would be. Why oh why can’t this show be about Harry and Joss being in love, and shopping for furniture, and going on picnics together? I would watch the hell out of that show. They make magnificent eyes at one another, and gloss over all the thorny details that were keeping them apart. He tells her he is not so impressed with her lawyer and she tells him that she loves him. Thank goodness.
April is making a complicated dinner involving deboning a duck compliments of Julia Child. She’s already on duck two, which is really guilty duck from her activities from cheating (or rhyming with the word duck). Karen’s bell rings just as April drops the duck on the floor. She says she needs another duck now but come on, April. We know what Julia Child would do! Just dust the thing off and let’s roll.
Vivian is at Karen’s door. She immediately apologizes for her initial reaction. It brought up a lot of emotional stuff for Vivian, memories of when she and Alec tried to have a baby. She’s always wanted to be a mother. Karen says a very sweet thing about how it’s also Vivian’s baby even without genetic material. Vivian wants for them to all raise the baby together. That’s what the universe wants! (Well, maybe: hard to know how the universal feels about thrupples).
Hey, it’s Marc! He comes home and sees April losing her mind over this mother-ducking duck. Turns out, Marc is a man of many talents and has been working as a sous chef and therefore can now help with all ducking disasters. Hey Marc, your abilities are pretty hot. Lucy comes home and says it smells gross. Perfect. April is not having Lucy’s attitude and takes it out on the cookware.
Calista gets a call from a reporter from “The Times” (no city specified). He wants to know if she has a comment on the tape. Patty gives her the deal: It’s all over the internet! Calista watches the tape in horror. She tells Patty that it’s not her. Someone is framing her! Calista thinks it could be that skanky model Eva (finally!). Patty employs some tough lawyerly love and Calista cracks: It’s exactly as Joss had said. Patty is all, sigh. This is a mess. The court of public opinion is turning against you. Patty thinks that an interview with Diane Sawyer could help. COULD DIANE SAWYER SHOW UP ON MISTRESSES? This is the most interesting turn of all!
NEXT: What exactly is Vivian up to?