WHO’S BAD? Steve Jones. Too easy, X Factor. This is a man whose opening line of a liiiiiiiive performance show was “Thank you very much, sexy dancing people!” Show some respect.
I know it’s been done to death, but I love that at least the idea of doing a Michael Jackson night is indisputably crowd-pleasing. Michael Jackson is amazing. Now that I live in California and drive around a lot, I’m blown away by how I will never change the channel once I stumble upon an MJ song. THE RADIO — what a concept!
“Billie Jean” in particular is like my new favorite song. I’m so cool. Better 28 years late than never, right? I freak out when I land on it and crank that s— up, especially if it’s the top third of the song when things are still brewin’. Then I eventually start howling with him at the end (“Hoo! Hoo!” but not like an owl, though maybe an owl would sound better than me), and I always have the windows open, and…I don’t think Los Angeles likes me very much.
Anyway, the Jacksons were all there — Michael’s brothers, mother Katherine, and the kids. “Are you happy with the spectacle that is The X Factor?” Steve Jones asked Paris, the girl. Ha! So bumblingly honest. This is why I love him. “Yes, I love the show very much,” Paris recited. Blanket couldn’t be bothered, nor should he be as a king among children, but Prince and Paris were both exceedingly polite and gracious during their awkward “conversations” with Stevecrest. Oh, those poor (rich) kids! What a weird life.
I’m about to exploit them even further with some choice images in this recap, but only because the damage has already been done. I’m not the paparazzi. I’m just a girl, sitting in front of a computer, commanding it to screen-shot. No one loves her, but she loves Blanket.
Josh Krajcik finally got to play his guitar on “Dirty Diana,” but the arrangement sounded like the same old X Factor-y electrical storm as usual. I’d love to hear an acoustic guitar performance from Josh where his pitch-perfect wailing and musicianship can be on better display. He sounded fine, when we could hear him at all amidst the over-production. Those backup dancers were just a bit distracting as they waved white fabric over their heads. Were they airing out their soiled laundry? Where were those random red hankies coming from? Were they undies?
Blanket, what did you think?
Not Josh’s best work. Simon blamed his mentor, of course. Speaking of whom, Nicole Scherzinger’s one-day-only bangs: Nay or nay?
NEXT: ‘That was dope.’ –Steve Jones