Lucifer recap: 'Chloe Does Lucifer'

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Lucifer

type:
TV Show
genre:
Fantasy
run date:
01/25/16
performer:
Tom Ellis, Lauren German
broadcaster:
Fox
seasons:
3
Current Status:
In Season

We gave it a B+

Do you live like a top hat, or like a shoe? It’s the question Lucifer grapples with in an episode that opens with some suggestive Chloe/Lucifer sexy talk. But surprise! They’re actually playing Monopoly with Trixie.

Lucifer’s offended at being offered the shoe token when he’s clearly a top hat. (Also, he thinks the thimble is a shot glass.) When he arrives home post game with a Trixie-supplied unicorn painted on his cheek, he finds Amenadiel there to check on him.

Lucifer talks up his wild and crazy sex life, which gives hope to the masses. But Amenadiel applauds Lucifer for spending a night in and says that boring suits him. Naturally, Lucifer rejects this in the absolute.

Now to the victim of the week: Computer engineer Kim Jones is found dead in her apartment from blunt force trauma to the head courtesy of something small, compact, and heavy, per Ella.

Kim’s vapid roommate Esther asks for a selfie with the “handsome cop,” then beelines to Dan, who gets further under Lucifer’s skin by agreeing that Lucifer’s becoming downright normal. Esther didn’t know her sad-sack roommate well but reports that Kim got into a yelling match on the phone the night before.

Kim’s final call was to Top Meet, an exclusive dating app that requires a recommendation and preliminary interview for all users. The CEO is Mack Slater, voted L.A.’s most interesting bachelor. He smarms all over Chloe, who’s just his type, but she’s more interested in why Kim was screaming at him the night of her death.

Mack says he didn’t know her, but after she didn’t pass the admission requirements, she hacked the app, prompting user complaints about a “nobody” joining their ranks. She was kicked off the app, hence the furious phone call. And without a warrant, Mack refuses to turn over the names of the users who complained.

The police are still able to investigate from Kim’s end, and they discover that she had a sushi date with a user named Forever29 the night of her death. Unfortunately, Forever29’s profile shot is a close-up of his eyes, so facial recognition won’t work. But he did register for an upcoming Top Meet mixer.

As the only interesting single person, Lucifer volunteers to go. Sure, Forever29’s a guy, but “I’m so good at flipping men, they call me the skillet,” he brags. Chloe ignores him and reluctantly agrees to make herself into a female version of Lucifer for the night. “Chloe does Lucifer?” Ella asks, delighted. Sorry, viewers who were hoping for a different interpretation of that phrase!

Lucifer’s on board and starts his training wth Barbie dolls, but the Chloe doll’s talk of Costco kills the Lucifer doll of boredom. (Come sit next to me, Chloe; I can discuss Costco for hoooours.) Then they move on to role reversal, with Chloe as Lucifer and Lucifer tossing his hair in a way that Chloe never, ever has.

In the end, Chloe arrives at the mixer in her best Lucifer-esque outfit: a sleek black suit with no shirt underneath. She removes the bullet necklace — “not Lucifer’s style” — but swipes his pocket square for her breast pocket. She really does look smashing.

Lucifer gives her an earpiece so he can coach her, and his suggestion that she laugh as she introduces herself makes her sound like “a demented witch on crack,” he declares. It gets worse when she sticks her finger into another guy’s martini and rubs the olive all over her face.

She finally ditches her earpiece and goes it alone, causing Lucifer to storm inside and demand she put it back in. Hearing this, the man she’s talking to bolts.

It’s Forever29, and he’s celebrity deejay Benji, who ran assuming they were paparazzi. He and Kim’s roommate Esther went on two exhausting dates, but only because he met Kim at the apartment on the first date and hoped to see her again on the second one. Eventually, he and Kim connected on the app, and yes, they went out the night of her death.

Lucifer’s boggled that Benji used a top hat like Esther to get to a shoe like Kim, then makes a thoughtful face when Benji says he could just be himself with Kim. You know, the Kim/Benji story would make a super cute rom-com…were it not for the murder, of course.

Chloe suggests a jealous Esther may have killed Kim, and this becomes more likely when they spot a dumbbell in the background of one of Esther’s apartment Insta selfies.

When asked, Esther claims ignorance of the dumbbell’s current whereabouts, claiming she doesn’t even work out. But her façade crumbles under Lucifer’s “what do you desire” whammy: She’s exhausted from faking all of her glamorous international selfies, and of course she works out. Also, she says Kim planned to get surgery as soon as “the money” came in, although she doesn’t know from where.

Lucifer’s rocked that his top hat radar was so wrong with Esther and tells Chloe he needs to go hang out with interesting people before she turns him into a shoe. (Next page: Dr. Linda airs some celestial grievances)

Now let’s check in with Ella, who’s startled to find Charlotte waiting in her lab. Charlotte’s decided that Ella’s innate goodness might teach her how to avoid Hell. Horrified, Ella claims to be too busy and uses Dan’s entry into the lab as an excuse to bolt, with Dan following right behind. Poor Charlotte! People are literally fleeing from her.

But she doesn’t take no for an answer and tells Ella that she’s in a forensics shadow program, with Ella as her mentor. You know, for court. Her first question: How does Ella keep her eyes from glazing over when talking about other people’s kids? I…would like to know that answer, myself.

When Ella realizes there’s no mentorship program, she declines to help a liar. To make amends, Charlotte digs up some information on the murder case du jour: Years ago, Kim developed the Top Meet app and hired Mack, the high school graduate/spin instructor, to be its public face. Well, look who just become suspect No. 1.

Charlotte tells Chloe and Ella that — hypothetically, and not based on her own lawyering experiences *cough* — seasoned killers know to ditch a murder weapon, while newbies don’t. Hence, if Mack’s the murderer, he might have kept the dumbbell. However, she cautions, it’ll be difficult to get a warrant with such scanty evidence. In the end, Chloe decides to exploit being just Mack’s type.

Unaware of these developments, Lucifer, hoping to get his top hat back, arrives at Mack’s house to ask him on a bachelor bacchanalia Vegas weekend and is shocked to find a glammed-up Chloe already there in insaaaane gold heels. (Let’s assume those are from Maze’s closet.) The two argue over who gets to hang with Mack, who leaves to grab a beer as they figure it out.

Chloe quickly fills Lucifer in on Mack’s activities, and before you know it, they’ve found the bloodstained weight stashed inside the fireplace.

Suddenly Mack’s there with a gun. He says Kim wanted to make the app accessible to everybody, which led to the murder. Lucifer disarms Mack by tossing a weird Mack-head statue at him, and he drops the gun to catch it. Oh, vanity.

All right, now let’s check in on Dr. Linda. When Amenadiel arrives at her office to see how she’s coping with Reese’s death, he finds her threatening a candle seller over the phone. Then she drags him to the beach to scope out the best spot for the 350-person memorial service.

At first Linda claims she’s heartbroken over Reese, but in truth, she’s far more upset by her own recent brush with death. And furthermore, she’s grappling with the loss of uncertainty. She used to wonder about the great unknown, including perhaps being reincarnated as a chameleon. But now she knows everything, including where she’s headed, strongly implying that she doesn’t expect it to be Heaven. Near tears, she concludes, “I wish I’d never met any of you.”

She bails but eventually comes back to find Amenadiel stretched out in the sand. At his invitation, she joins him, and he tells her that there’s still plenty they both don’t know. Linda agrees that she has as many questions as before, just different. He gets her laughing and looks down at her with such tender concern that suddenly, a new ship is launched. Linda + Amenadiel. Lindenadiel! Also, Dr. Linda’s relaxed beachy look is gorgeous.

At Lucifer’s next session with the good doctor, he’s still marveling that Kim the shoe turned out to be interesting and laments the time some people spend trying to be interesting. (It comes effortlessly to him, of course.) Then he asks how Linda’s doing, and oh, do I love these flashes of good-friend Lucifer.

Linda tells him that someone helped her gain perspective when she was in a dark place, then quotes, “We’re all in the gutter, but some of us are looking up at the stars.” Lucifer sighs that he gave Oscar Wilde that line and, when Linda asks for all the details, Lucifer confides, “Well, he was straight when I first met him.” The skillet!

One last Charlotte/Ella scene: Ella thanks her for providing the Kim/Mack contract, and Charlotte confesses that she stole it actually. Good takes practice, Ella says, giving her a pass for doing the wrong thing for the right reason.

Charlotte’s delighted to hear it because she going to accept an offer to join the DA’s office, where she can get more practice being good. “And bonus, I’ll be around here more!” Ella is not pleased.

Finally, Trixie and Chloe are playing Monopoly when they realize the shoe piece is missing. Wherever could it have gone?

Yep, it’s sitting on top of Lucifer’s very shiny piano, where he’s tickling the ivories (with mussed hair again!) when an attractive woman in lingerie and a very on-the-nose top hat calls him to bed. He suggests Monopoly or face painting, but when she declines, he obediently shrugs off his robe and crawls into bed.

Stray feathers

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